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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

i'm not right

So this morning, i am feeding the spawn cereal in my lap only she demands to hold the bowl so i let her becuase she usually does good, but this morning she dumps the chilly milk all over my lap.

At the same time the dog asks to go out side, so i think to my self, okay let the dog out, change pants, get more cereal.

So i open the door, and there are deer on the lawn, nothing gets the dogs early morning energy up like herbivores grazing on the lawn.  So he takes off chasing them, so i take off chasing him barefooted, and with a milky lap.

Anyway it was like 20 degrees out this morning, So the 3 or 4 minute chase, I finish and the milk in my private area has started to freeze, do you know what thought pops into my head?


Friday, December 17, 2010


How many words are in the english language?

Webster's Third New International Dictionary, Unabridged, together with its 1993 Addenda Section, includes some 470,000 entries. The Oxford English Dictionary, Second Edition, reports that it includes a similar number.

It seems that is alot, and some of them are clearly not needed.
These are just 4 of the words that i can think of that need not exist for me to communicate my thoughts and feelings.
I was having a conversation at work the other day and kept having to explain that my brother in law, my wife's brother and my brother in law my sister's husband.  Why in the name of all that is holy are these the same word?
My sister in law, my wive's brother's wive and my wive's sister shouldn't be the same either.
Unless there is a word for those people that i don't know, but I've never heard it and i am smart!  Okay, i may not be smart, but I've still never heard it.

Monday, December 13, 2010


So I was over at my other (old) blog by mistake, and though I should read some of the stuff I write, so I did the only appropriate thing I could think of and searched toilet, which brought up a slightly unnerving inmaterial number of posts, I picked the one I titled Round and Round and read it.  This is what I've learned I crack me up. Also I ran a spell check, put nevermind that.

Anyway here is my old post,

This morning I was standing in front of the bathroom sink, vigorously brushing my teeth, when i notice much to my horror, that the brushing motion was mimicked by my girth.
That is i went left my belly went left and than it follow back to the right, this wouldn't have been so bad if the movement hadn't continued after I stopped brushing, it seems my belly had some residual energy transferred to it, and it had built up some momentum.

This got me to thinking, what if i was to really go at a tooth brushing for all it was worth. Let out a primal scream and let loose with a frothy mouth of Whitening Crest. Is it possible to transfer enough energy and momentum to my belly that I could tweak my spine doing that? Has anyone ever thrown out their back brushing their teeth? I don't want to be the first, end up having my dentist and neurologist having to consult on my treatment.

If it is possible to throw your back out brushing your teeth, I am guessing you could suffer even more serious injury doing it. Suppose I throw my back out, let out wince and crumple to the floor knocking my noggin on the toilet on the way down.

This could slice my melon open, and I might end up with a staph infection. Maybe even some drug resistant variety that would render my immune system helpless as I waste away in the hospital, I would be lying in the hospital bed in a quarantined section where all the residences would point and laugh.

But if I had a serious blood infection in my head, this might end up with me being rendered and ex blogger, ex accountant, and an ex person.

So here i am having died from my injuries that result from my tooth brushing and I am standing in a line at St. Peter's gates. When i get to the front of the line I don't want st. peter saying "We told you to brush in circles!"

So i am making my official declaration that in order to preserve me status as a person I will from now on attempt to do tiny circles instead of big old back and forth bushes.

This part is new again

So I still don't do circles, but i'll try again, just like i'll try to be a better blogger and post more.