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Thursday, January 29, 2009

Some people

I just got an email that had this question.

I have to issue to 1099s for people we paid for consulting, what EIN do I use?

So I call the guy all confused, thinking to myself, that can't be his question.

So I get to talking to him, and he is like should i issue them out of this company or should i issue them out of the other company because the other company has income and could use the expense.

WTF are you asking me for. HEre is a tip for you, if your going to cheat on your taxes don't tell a cpa. We can't file returns that we know or should have known are fraudulent.

If he would have just done it, The IRS and myself would most likely have never known, but since he asked, he is reporting them the proper way now.


Monday, January 26, 2009

Mysteries of the world

This morning I was ironing a pair of pants. As usually I was perplexed, not by the thought that why are pants plural all the time. and why are one pair of pants a pair by themselves? No that mystery is left for others to ponder.

Here is what happens I place pants on board smooth them all out as to not iron wrinkles into them. Iron them and than flip them over and discover the back of the pants are not wrinkle free in fact I had iron a wrinkle into them. How is a person suppose to render a non pair of pants wrinkle free if making one side of them puts wrinkles in the otherside? And how do the dry cleaners do it?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

New president

So we gots our self a new president.

I am glad that is finally over.

Now as a nation we can focus on the important things. Like Pittsburgh going to the Superbowl.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Good China and another difference between men and women

Why is it that women for the most part anyway treat guests better than their family. By this I mean, lets get out the good china so and so is coming over. Where as men are usually like lets put away the good china so and so is coming over.

It could be that women like to impress the other women by flaunting that they have the good china, and men on the other hand. Well they know their friends and while they may like their friends a great deal, they would trust them with the good china.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


I've learned that the trick with incentives is that the reward must be worth the effort put out. I mean after all we could all be in shape and have bodies like adonis if we wanted. We'll except for you ladies, I sort doubt that you want to be packin heat like him, but you could be like venus if you choose too. However there is a certain draw to the instant gratification of a snickers bar.

So due to some computer issues last night when I was working from home, I think our network went down, so i am in at 6 trying to finish a project that I couldn't finish cause the network went down. (I am doing this because I don't have access to the server right now). I think we have 2 servers one for the net, i.e. our paperless office sortage site, and one for our tax software, which is the one I can't access.
but that is neither here nor there.

I am sitting here at five in the morning, or since 5, thinking about the expression the early bird gets the worm. Yuck. In the morning Worms are all slimey and gross. If you wait till like noon, the ones on the sidewalks have been baked to a crispy goodness. They're like potatoe chips for birds. So while the early bird may get the worms, more worms and its choice of worms, the slacker bird get birds cooked to perfection.

I am going to enjoy me some chips with lunch today.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Remember when?

This isn't a memories kinda post rather a I have solved one of lives mysteries kinda post.

A few weeks ago I was following the office vampire. She is really a secretary/office manager, but that old bitter hag could suck the life out of a giant redwood. I had the question pop into my head, why hasn't anyone whacked her in the back of the head with a shovel.

Well, last night as I was more frustrated with her than usual, i reached for the nearest shovel. By time I had returned from teh home depot with my newly acquired shovel, the urge had completely passed.

So i returned the shovel because I gots to thinking, maybe no one has hit her with one becuase they're not handy.

Alright the trip to home depot may be made up, but I did think to myself, good thing there isn't a shovel here!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

my thinking

So I read Brandy's comment that she had a couple guys tell her they had a crush on her like high school or something like that. and she said what am i supposed to do with that information. Well, nothing, but I suppose it is good for the ego. I've never had that happen some 20 years later, realizing that on the other had is bad for the ego.

Anyway, this got me to thinking, what to people who i will describe as prolific daters do? I can count on one hand all the ex-girlfriends I've got running around with extra fingers. I had one of the contact me earlier this year. That was odd, but I said, I am married and expecting a baby, and I don't think we should talk or something like that. Anyway, what if you had 20 30 40 ex lovers/love interst?

I could see how the internet would become a pain in the ass.

So once again, I realize I was a high school loser, never made it with a lady
till the boys told me somethin' I missed then my next door neighbor with a daughter had a favor so I gave her just a little kiss like this!

I might have stolen that last part from a song, but who cares.

I am thankful that I don't have many exgf running around.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Hall and Oats

Hall and Oats where on the Daily show, their song cracked me up.

but also if you watch it have you seen the AICPA ads with the creepy ass giant pig running around. This is supposed to be the organization that represnts me. I am so glad I am not a member.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

music and my dog

Well, this is two different topics and not a post about how my dog likes music or doesn't or anythign like that.

first my dog sometimes limps or rather has an odd gait every once in a while becuase he chooses not to bend his knees (not elbows) This causes him to have a saucy walk that with him shaking his bottie!

I've taken him to the vet before for it and she said nothing was wrong, yesterday in his training class (he graduated) the trainer said how long has he been limping and I say for ever, it is usually only when he wakes up, or when he sprints (which your not supposed to let them do, but good luck with that.) So she says to have him looked at again, so I do. And again the vet says I can find nothing wrong. So she sent me to an orthapedic specialist (who knew they had those for dogs?) So I go and he but Neils knees, hips, and ankles, elbows and feet toes i guess throught the proverbial wringer and says, he is structually sound.

Neil sometimes get the tv left on when he is home alone, mostly becuase than he has some noise to distract him from all the noises outside which he might or might not take to barking at. I've come up with 2 theories. 1. he is watching the fit channel and giving the pilateas a go and get sore. 2. I leave it on a channel that features soaps and the dog has turned into a bit of drama queen.


Second a while back I posted a post asking you to support my friend over at Which is a site where musicians can post their stuff if you want. I've discovered lots of folks I like over there, some of them have had pretty good success in the music business like Ingrid Michaelson. I had to google it cause I couldn't remember her name, she has a video posted at you tube so here is that if you want to look. It's a fun song.

Okay it isn't a fun song, but it is catchy. It isn't the one I like best but it is her newest effort I think.

The other that i was thinking of is a song called "Tom Cruise Crazy" by Jonathan Coulton. I've bought a song from each of these artist. I actually found that one on Youtube too.

That one is a fun song, he has lots of fun songs you can find at his website.

But that isn't the reason from my posting, my new favorite song is by some fellow who is self releasing his first album soon. I've listen to this song for a weeks now and I like it a lot.
could be I am just crazy, or have poor taste in music but I like it alot.

Go here give it a listen and tell me what you think? That is an order, or request if you're the sort that responds to requests better than orders.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

in hind sight and even more hindsight

In hind sight, perhaps haveing a giant picture of rupaul in your blog isn't the way to achieve fame in the blogosphere.

Of course niether is having a topicless blog that rambles aimlessly through the absentminded, spelling challenge and grammerless areas of my mind.

Most of the people that come here are women or atleast most of those that bother to comment so Barenaked ladies probably wont' help with my widespread appeal.

Talking football is likely not going to work.

that leaves me with shameless self promotion.

With that I have decided this blog is Jertastic. Kinda like fantastic, but it only applies to me and those that happen to have the same name, although, I am clearly more Jertastic than those others.

This part of the post is added later and has nothing to do with the first part.

Here are some tales of the mad girl reading skills I have.

I graduated highschool and a girl that I liked a lot and I moved to the big city to get jobs. For the first couple weeks she would call and we would talk for a bit, and than I got a job at burger king. So she says lets celebrate and I say I am working till 1am she says come over after. I don't because I am tired. So I don't talk to her all summer, we both go back to the Princeton of Southeastern Utah in the fall. She meets a return missionary and gets engaged, that is mormons do. Anyway, She tells me i had the biggest crush on you why didn't you ask me out last summer, to which I say, how was i supposed to know, and she says I invited you over at 1 in the morning to which I say D'oh.

When I lived in New Mexico I played on a Coed soccer team. It was mostly one family well the Dad and his five kids and thier spouses. but there where a couple others like me. This one girl and I where talking and I said I love dogs, but I have an apartment so I can't have one and she says I just got a puppy, wanna take him to puppy school with me. To which I don't go for some reason, and later one of the other guys on the team asks me if we ever went out cause she was calling the team to get me number to ask me out. How am i supposed to know puppy school is a date? D'oh.

When I lived in Ohio, I had most of my MBA classes with 2 guys and a girl. The girl and I lived in the same area of town. So she invites me to a football watching party. Where I meet all her friends. Later she tells me that some girl there really liked me and I should ask her out. I think, you know I have a girl friend in New MExico, I am not going to do that, so I don't and than the girlfriend in new mexico dumps me and moves to california, but not before I accept job and move there. Okay this one would have been harder to figure out, but the signs where pretty clear that girl 1 was going to dump me, and girl 2 the one in ohio was an engineer.

I could go on and on and on like this but I wont as I am sure it will become even more obvious that when I claim to have game, people want to play pictionary.

However, in the isn't life grand kinda chrama has got your back kinda way, I went through years of failure, ignorance and misery at the hands of girls or lack there of to find the most beautiful, smart, and funny woman ever.

here is my advice for adam, Girls eventually turn into women and when they do they eventually tire of the bad boys, Well they may not really tire of them but they realize they dont' want to pay their bail anymore and than nice guys rule the world.

Monday, January 5, 2009

men and women are different.

This is my theory based on my observations and I know it is chaulk full of stereotypes and prejuiduce. I think the people that claim men and women are not different have never been forced to attend bunk-o (women)and poker (men) nights. One of my ex-roommates used to host bunko and so while I didn't partake I was there.

Here are the differences between men and women summed up nice and short.

1. Men think about sex. The best example I can think of and I think I have mentioned before, but if you look at John Mayer, 50 cent, and Quiet Riot 3 completely different styles of music, but they all have the same goal of getting the girl.

2. Sometimes football but than sex. Even this isn't purely free of the thought driving men, how else do you explain cheerleaders?

3. For the most part men can compartmentalize competition better than women can.
It has been my experiance that if men are in competition for the same woman they can still be friends after. Not so much with girls. I've never understood why when a man cheats on a woman, that the women get mad at the other woman. That makes no sense to me. For example on a nationwide scale, there are still women made at Angelina for stealing brad pitt. Should they just be mad at him for stepping out?

4. Men make snap decisions lots more than women do, I think. This is bad and good. Women make more emotional decisions.

5. It has been my experiance that woman are better multitaskers, but they focus better. Men focus on nothing for very long.

Which all this being said, the news is talking about Obama's presidency alot. I've decided that I am going to start looking for my next canidate. I am unsure who it is going to be, but I think it is about time we find a candiate that can bring men's and women's strenghts to the table.

With that being said, I am supporting Rupaul for president.

Friday, January 2, 2009

The IRS is what is wrong with the world

Not that it is taxes but the rules they have. If you make a payroll tax deposit and you're a small employer you have to do it with at your bank with a deposit coupon you get from the IRS.

I have a client that paid the first payroll on December 31st. They don't have their coupons yet, so I go to the IRS to get a blank one you used to be able to do this.

I get there and she says are you an officer of the company, I say no she says I can't give it to you. I say I have power of attorney, she says, I can't give it to you.

I say what do you reccomened we do to deposit the payroll, she says, have an officier come down. I say they're in Canada, they're not flying down to get one coupon for the payroll of one employee. She says, I recommned they do. I say, how else can you do it. She says via ETS, but that is only if they have more than 25 employees, which I had already told her, they have one employee. I say, we can't do that what how else can we do she says you can't. I say so are you suggesting we wait six weeks for the coupon book, she says if you do that it will be late. I say, then how would you pay it, she says have an officier come down.

So I say you know what, I am just going to go back to the office and reclass it all as consulting and pay the person the payroll tax we were going to deposit, and I am not going to issue a 1099 and see if you can find it. She says I wouldn't do that.

The IRS just added about 20,000 to the social securities debt, because that is exactly what i did when i got back to the office, called the employee called the canadians and said, if they look into this you'll owe penatlies and interst, but since they'll charge you penalties and interest anyway, cause they won't let you deposit the payroll taxes, lets risk it.

New Years

It isn't newy years any more but, the year is still pretty fresh. As it is less than a week old but that isn't the point.

Truth be told I have no point. As with most of my posts I am pointless. Only this time I am not going to fill the space with bathroom tales.

So with that, I am making a resolution to have a more coherent blog.

I hate when I set goals and fail right away.