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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

advice for adam, thnigs that crack me up, and my evil thought of the day.

One - Adam's Advice

Since Adam is a young buck and not married, here is a little tip to make your future life easier. If you want to spend all saturday and sunday watching football, you had better watch something with the wife, it makes it less painful if you enjoy the program, so I watch Desperate housewives, unless the Steelers are playing a Sunday night game.


Two - things that crack me up.



Three - my evil thought of the day

I was walking behind our secrectary whom I loath, and I thought, how come no one has ever hit her in the back of the head with a shovel.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Here is a quick test to tell how geeky you are



Who is your favorite comic book character? If your answer is someone that you like becuase of the books and not the movies, your uber geeky. If it is someone you like cause of the movies, or sorta geeky, and if you say, I don't read comic books you're just plain uppity.


Anyway my favorite is Cable. He is <------ that guy. As far as I know this is his story.


He is the son of Cyclops and Jean Grey. I think, although, he might be son of Cyclops and the Phoniex which I don't have time to get into but was really either and other dimensions Jean Grey or a clone. Take your pick as I am sure folks who read this wont know better.


Anyway he contracted a virus as a small fellow that was uncureable, so they did what ever good parent does and sent him to the future. Where he was able to get treatment, hence the metal arm, He has to hold his body together, his physic powers. However upon learning the fate of the world, as an adult he travels back to the present to save the world from destruction as a dude how is much older than his parents. There is speculation that if he didn't have to waste alot of energy on holding his non organic body parts in place that his power would consume him.


Anyway, I was looking forward to watching Desperate housewives this weekend, but I was annoyingly disappointed as it was a rerun. I got to thinking this is just a evening soap opera. Even thought It is mostly funny. It got me to thinking I like soap operas? No, but than I remembered, that the comic books all seem to be soaps only geared towards 14 year old boys.


There are love interests, rivals, deaths, fake deaths, real (fictional) deaths that the writers later choose to ignore. All in the name of entertaining me. Which is good, cause I say when it come to entertaining me, leave not stone unturned.

The only comic book series i really ever followed in book format was X-Force. However before I read comics, I had me a terrific set of Green lantern underroos. Which gets me thinking, how sweet would it be to have a set of underroos for men, in the green lanter motif?




Zen and public potties.

Remember Fonzie on Happy Days? I mean if your not like 12 or so I am sure you do. He was the cool guy, in hind sight, he was the creepy older guy hanging out with high school kids but nevermind that. He referred to his men's room at I think it was called Al's drive in as his office.

Beej wanted to know why so many bathroom posts. It is for a couple reasons, having gone into men's rooms all my life, I have learned that if you do so it is best to have all your senses set to extra sensative (except for smell). This way you can at least hope to minimize your exposure to nastiness. A byproduct of this state of hieghtened senses is that you notice stuff.

This is why guys go to the bathroom alone, I am unsure what women are doing in their packs in the public restrooms, but if you want to get some good thinking done, you go to the mens room, upon crossing the threshold, you will enter this state of aweness not attainable outside of the mensroom. In this state of nastiness avoidence, you can find the solution to all kinds of problems, world hunger, the national debt, unemployment, the list is seemingly endless. Unfortunately for the world, once the men leave the mens room, that quite brief encounter with clarity is short lived. After leaving the mens room it is back to the typical questions that haunt men. Thong or brief, tramp stamp or not.

Friday, December 19, 2008

EWE

I mean that like eeewww, not ewe, cause i have nothing against sheep. Actually I do. They're dumb and not tasty but that is neither here nor there.

I meant to post about this rather eweish episode the other day, but forgot, than I saw Abby with her foot propped up on a toilet and I remembered my post idea.

So the other day, I was attending a CPE (continuing professional education, I have to have 80 hours of it every 2 years with no less than 20 in any year, and 2 have to be in ethics).

Side bar, The ethics requirement is newish, it was put in as a response to the whole Enron debacle. Which always cracks me up. While the CPAs were in the back room shredding documents, it didn't occur to them that this might be wrong? It kills me, that the CPA society's fix for that was to make me sit in a class for 2 hours every 2 years and it basically goes like this.
Don't fall into group think, sometimes group think leads honest people to do things they wouldn't have thought they would do. but if you take this class you won't do it. Sheesh.

Anyway, this particular event was in the Pepsi Center in a small conference room. (another side bar) They had snacks and soda, so i was at least not visibly disgruntled and ate my cracker jacks* and drank my diet soda in relative silence. Well except when she assigned us a group problem. Here it is, "if you're conducting an interview, think of a question you can ask that will help you gauge their character." The other groups played nice and came up with thinks like describe a time you had to lie, but it was the right thing to do. Being the spokesman for my group, I said, "we got nothin!" Which is more honest, because how are you supposed to judge someones character when they're trying to answer questions the way you want them answered.

After the conference and before the hockey game, I stopped by the men's room to take care of the soda i had consumed, it seemed like a popular destination, because there where lots of guys in there with the little book with the class title on it. Most of us held the book in one hand and held our man tool in the other. Except one guy. This guy set his book down in front of his feet, and left of the urinal, and right of another. WTF. As I was sticking to the floor because of nastiness left by other guys, I thought, that is just gross. Maybe, dude doesn't want it. But no he picks it up takes it to the sink washes his hands and picks it up again. i shudder just thinking of it.

I've had time to ponder this event and even if dude is particularly blessed and this is a two hand job, why not put it in your back pocket or on the sink or at least on the floor far away from the nastiness. Why there? Am I mistaken in my belief that this is a worthless handout, is it really invaluable and should be protected? I don't know I am confused by it.

* Crackerjacks prizes suck. I didn't know they still had prizes, I thought they got rid of them, so I was elated when i saw the little plastic bag with my prize in it. I briefly thought, I could go for a tattoo. That would be awesome!! So I open the bad and it is this crappy origami thing. This was less than overwhelming, and slightly more than disappointing.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

savior everything

I was talking to my sister Sunday morning. It was 75 at her house and she was taking it for granted. She didn't even think that it was all that nice.

While I was talking to her, It was -11 according to the Jeep's temp thing.

Latter that morning it warmed up to like 5 without me going back out side.
It was than that I began to savor the newly found 16 degrees.

Ignoring the fact that i still needed 27 more degrees to melt the snow, it was much much nicer than -11. When it is 5 out you can really appreciate each new degree. I nearly did a cart wheel when it got up to 10. but than i remembered, i am a middle aged overweight, out of shape unlimber accountant. I thought the last thing i need is to explain this to an emergency room nurse.


I hear tale that China dogs are wimpy and don't like the cold. Well, this is not my dog. He went out side and did his business, and than wanted to stay out, so i left him out. About 10 to 20 minutes later I come to get him, and he says, no thanks I am sleeping under this tree.

The dog had taken up under a pine tree and was curled up into a circle, his nose resting on his back leg. Just in front of his nose was a bunch of frost. His breath was freezing in his hair.

I said, Neil, get your furry self inside, and this is why you don't make the choices around here, so he came in and stretched out on his pillow and continued to sleep.

I really think he was telling me, that he just wanted to sleep in, don't you know this is sleeping in kinda weather.

Sometimes he is smarter than me and knows how to savior a Sunday morning.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Rhodes Scholars

The other day some kid that plays football for Florida state, his last name is Rolle, became a Rhodes scholar. He is athletic and smart. not regular athletic, he is or would be a projected first round draft pick in the nfl. and not regular smart, freaky smart.

I was reading the yesterday about some the winners of the Marshall scholarships.

These are some smart folks, but I don't like them. I know this is unfair, but every time i hear of the Rhodes scholars anymore I think of Randal when he won the apprentice and the Donald let his first decision be whether or not he should hire the runner up as well, some girl or woman if you prefer, named Rebecca. He responded with (I took this response from Wiki) "I firmly believe this is 'The Apprentice,'" and that "there is one, and only one 'Apprentice' and if you're going to hire someone tonight, it should be one." He added that the show was called "The Apprentice" and not "The Apprenti"

Now every time i hear some one won either of these awards, that is one smart cat there. I think, that person is probably an ass that the US would be better off is we shipped them to the UK and left them there.

Can we do that?

combine apprentiance with survivor. And vote really smart asses off the island. The island being North America. Well, I would let them go to Barrow and maybe Moosejaw if they wanted.

Friday, December 5, 2008

My dog is the subject of lots of posts

I was out with my dog walking this morning it was 7° out this morning, it was cold, the snow was covered with frost. In case you're wondering, I don't know this happens but it is somewhere between 32 to 7. What happens in that range. Well the boogers freeze in your nose.

For those that might use the other less user friendly temp scale, taht is between 0 and -13 the boogers in your nose freeze.

I do not know if this is a good thing or not, On one hand it does prevent that nasty snotty frozen snot mustache. On the other hand once you have ice in your sinuses it is hard to get warm once you go in.

So i am walking the dog, and i notice he is doing a little tripod thing when ever we stop. I am on like ha your are cold lets go in. he says to me, roof, which means no.
So i leave him out and go in, come back in like 20 minutes and he has taken to lying in the snow with his little muzzle buried in the snow, so i come out and he has a frost beard. i am assuming the dog breathe melted the snow, but only so much so that the water could get to his whiskers and muzzle, dude had a full on frost beard with chuncks of ice on some whiskers.

So i say, neil, despite the fact that you think you want to be out here, I know what is best for you now come inside, to which he said roof. So i said, you want some breakfast, and he agains said roof, but this time it meant yes.

I've learned that yes and no in dog are very similar, kinda like aloha means hello and goodbye. Well Roof means yes and no.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

It is cold here

This morning it is cold, tommorrow it will be colder, than saturday almost 60 again. WTF!! How am I supposed to know in advance what to wear?

Not that this is on topic or anything, but if ever you need proof that mother nature, was a woman and not a dude, her fickle nature of late is more than just circumstancial evidence of such.

Anyway, someone emailed this to me, it cracked me up. I suppose it is colder in other places.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

the stock market is stupid

So yesterday some one officially announced we're in a reccession.

Hum, that is shocking new!! Or alternatively duh

What I don't get is why the stock market fell upon recieving this news?

Monday, December 1, 2008

It was cold this weekend

Friday and Sunday greeted me with snow, saturday was cold. I typically like the cold, or so I thought. It turns out I do not like the cold, My dog on the other hand loves the cold. He slept outside saturday and wouldn't come in. I tried to get him to come in at 10, midnight, 3 am and than he finally came in around 6 but only cause that is time for his walk, so he came in one door and went right to the other.

When I was researching the Bernese Mountain Dog, it said, they make much better house dogs than yard dogs, becuase of their nature they like to be part of the family. Aparantly they where used to heard in switzerland, but unlike other heard dogs that kept the cows sheep, lama, and i suppose emus in a group, berners just lived in the group. Thus when a wolf or cheeta or something came along right in the middle of the heard was a 120 lb dog.

No where in the book did it say that your dog will insist that you are in a group outside when the weather is cold. He doesn't do it if it is only sorta cold. like 45. But if it is like 20 out, he goes to the door goes outside, spends like 10 seconds asks to come in, spends like 2 minutes asks to go out, spends like 10 seconds asks to come in, spends like 2 minutes. Unless you go out with him, if you do that he either takes to playing or laying in the snow under the pine tree.

So there I am reading my mail, outside in 25 degree weather (about -2 for ute) with my dog sleeping under a pine tree. As soon as i went in, he would get up and come to the dog to want to come in, but he didn't want to come in, he wanted me to come out. how do you explain to a dog that you lack the handy double coat he has. The dog has seen me naked, he should know i am not furry.