my letter to people magazine.

I am on hold, so I think, I am going to sure the net as the computer assistant just told me my expected wait time is greater than 15 minutes.

I had the great thought, I should write People Magazine.  So I sent them this email.

Dear Editors,

I have spent the past few months in a sullen state of dismay due to once again being egregiously left out off the previous list of People’s most beautiful people. Each year I look at the list and think, okay, I may not be top 10 material, but I could easily slide around 43. I also realize that tooting one’s own horn is not all that beautiful of a characteristic, however as I do not have an agent and am not famous I have decided the assault on my image of myself has gone on long enough, so I am writing you to ask for consideration in your next list.

I have just reread what I typed and have decided that perhaps I am overstating my own beauty. After all there are six billion people in the world and I am claiming to be around the 43rd most beautiful. That very act disqualifies me from inclusion. Narcissism is clearly not a beautiful characteristic.

But if I but some qualifiers on it, I think I might make your list. First off I am a guy. As we only represent about 48% of the world’s population. This means while I may not be in the top 50 of the whole population, perhaps I am in the top 50 dudes.

This still leaves 3 billion people, among them that guy in the old spice commercials. I am going to have to admit, he has me beat, also Brad Pitt, Will Smith, and several others have me beat on the beauty-o-meter.

I have decided to add some more qualifiers. If the fine folks at People ever decide to put a list of the 50 most beautiful male, Capricorn, left-handed, blue eyed, blood type A- , certified public Accountants, I humbly request consideration for this list.

Thank you

Darkside

I am being tempted by the Dark side.

________________________________________________________________

Completely unrelated but I heard some people on the radio protesting the location of the proposed Mosque near ground zero.  I really have no opinion of this, and that is not why I write.  They also talked about the suicide bombers from 9/11 thinking they would go to paradise with 72 virgins.

Which got me to thinking this is a horrible reward for the following reasons.

• 1 women is more than I can handle, 2 would be insane, 72, well that is no kind of paradise.
• Really, 72 women in paradaise, who don't know what they're doing with me.  I barely manage to stumble around my life without it being complicated by my having to teach what i don't know.
• I think in this set up the guy is the leader of the operation, that is pure lunecy. This isn't a reward, this is like herding cats, or better yet jelly fish.

If i am going to die for a cause the reward shouldn't create more drama and work than the sacrifice.

but then they're not trying to recruit me.

Memories

So the other day, yesterday to be exact, but it is only yesterday if you read this today, so I will say a while back I heard a news story from evensville.  A rather sad story that was in the news.  Actually, it was from Arizona, To sum up, two girls in the desesrt are in a horrible car crash, one dies and one is in critical condition, they mistakenly miss ID the girls so the dead girls soccer team is coming to her funeral only to learn that she is the one that is alive.

I am not making light of this story, it is horrific, and well I think it is an episode of law and order. But in the law and order the mom of the dead girl kills the undead girl who is really her daugter for killing her daughter, which is nice.  I am serious that is an episode of law and order not sure which franchise, but nevermind that. 

The girls soccer team was University of Evensville.   They're in indiana.  When I was a Junior in High School, my dad got transferred out there, while we looked for a place to live, we stayed in the Raddison.  My parents had a room and my sister and I shared a room.  I swear every night when we went to our rooms and turned the tv on, Cinimax was playing this movie  "Ilsa the Tigress of Siberia" Which is one of the movies that gave Cinimax the nickname as Skinamax.  It was funny to us at the time, every night it seemed like we would turn it on and there she was, the Tigress. So like some pavlovian dog, you mention evensville to me now, and i think naked american's playing naked russians in movies.

I am not sure how to insert a section break here, but as a side bar that is completely unrealted and more than a little amusing. The lady that played the Tigress now offeres wedding in Las Vegas. I am serious, how perfect is that.  A senic Wedding  They offer outdoor weddings services.  I don't know if it their slogan or not but it says "If you are looking for an alternative to a traditional wedding chapel, consider "Nature's Outdoor Cathedral".  right on their home page.  As someone who got married on a beach, I can get behind that.  However, I am not sure I want a women that used to be in nudie movies doing it.

Other side note, isn't the internet great. In less than five minutes I found a movie I didn't know the name of, from 30 years ago, and what the "star" is doing now.

Student Loans

The Official Guide for GMAT Review, 12th EditionSome of you may know I have earned an MBA at Xavier.  The one in Ohio.  The Jesuit one.  The Jesuits while offering a quality education, do so at a price.  In case you don't know, as I didn't here is a helpful list of Jesuit Schools.

• Boston College
• Canisius College
• College of the Holy Cross
• Creighton University
• Fairfield University
• Fordham University
• Georgetown University
• Gonzaga University
• John Carrol University
• Le Moyne College
• Loyola University Maryland
• Loyola Marymount University
• Loyola University Chicago
• Loyola University New Orleans
• Marquette University
• Regis University
• Rockhurst University
• Saint Joseph's University
• Saint Louis University
• Saint Peter's College
• Santa Clara
• Seattle University
• Spring Hill College
• U. of San Francisco
• University of Scranton
• Wheeling Jesuit University
• Xavier University.

I know it is a lot of them who knew?, I mean other than the Jesuits.  Not being a catholic, I don't know the difference between a Jesuit and a non jesuit school.  Notre Dame for example is catholic but not jesuit same with Dayton.  Anyway, the catholics educate a fair number of folks, which I suppose is good.

And here is my review of the difference between my experience at public institutions and private institutions.  I took classes at lets count, CEU, U of U, SLCC, SUU,  UNM, and XU.   A fair sampling of schools.  Anyway, the private school was by far more expensive, not even comparable really.  However, the experiance with the school was night and day.  Of course I was a graduate student, but they helped me every step of the way.  They helped with financial aid, they helped with scheduling.  They even helped me arrange to take 2 classes at UNM and transfer back because it saved me about $7k.  At public school everything was left up to me.  Which may or may not explain why it took me 8 years to get a BS and 11 months to do an MBA.  This has nothing to do with my impitus for posting but here is a piece of higher education advice for all you are taking it.  If you or your children are the responsible sort, Public school will save a truck load, if they are the sort of kids that will spend nearly every hour of every day trying to figure women or how to get women to like me, well perhaps the guidence and direction the administration of a private school offer is a good investment. 

But that isn't why i write.  While getting my post graduate degree I got me some loans, I was at the company that currently holds my student loans making a payment today.  And in the top right hand corner of the login page was a little box that said,  "Find us on Facebook!"

Seriously WTF is that?  Do i want banks as friends?  I am perplexed by it.   I have a very liberal policy for accepting friends on FB, here is is, Ask, and don't be someone I owe money to, that is pretty much it, well I suppose, don't ask to borrow money, don't be creepy and if you're a convicted violent felon, perhaps i am not your people, but other than that I will accept you as a friend.

I have several bands, companies, and non people as friends, but I don't owe any of them money.  What if I get hit by a bus, due to karma biting me right in the hindend, and am in a coma, do i really want the bank to post to all my other friends, Jerry is late with his loan payments.  Not that I am late, I am just wondering wny the want to be my friend.

fail.

You ever wonder why you fail.  Or since this is my blog do I ever wonder why I fail?  The answer of course is yes.  I dwell on it alot.  more then a lot, a great deal, and well, I wish I didn't.

I spent the weekend with my family, as they got back from a weeks worth of traveling and all I could think was I don't want to teach my daughter to be like me.  I want to teach her to be better than me.

Only I don't know how or I would be better.

She deserves me to be the best parent I can be, but my best isn't as good as she deserves.

I had better quit typing or I'll start to cry and that isn't what i wanted.

Stupid ads

So there are a bunch of ads on my website taht say things like 1 tip to lose weight, 18 days to a flatter stomach.  This is the trick to losing more weight in 1 hour than that Ruby chick has in 3 seasons.

Side bar I like that ruby show, she is fun.

Anyway, so i clicked on all 5 of the ads on my blog right now.  They took you to different websites, but all where basically the same page.  They had the same pictures.  Some were even just copies.

If the Acai berry is so good at weight loss, I don't think i want any.  I mean the coca plant is a tropical fruit and you can make cocaine out of it, and cocaine will make you lose weight.  Following that line of reasoning, the Acai berry is addictive and bad for you.

Need different ads, but since the google ad softwear that promtes things like that, will not read my blog for context, it will just link based on key words, I am guessing it is likely I will get more of them.

Movies

I found myself home alone this past week so I took the liberty of doing some catching up on movies.
Here is my reviews of the movies I saw this week.

The Last Airbender I think this was at least entertaining, I mean you know going into it that it isn't going to be a really deep, well acted movie, but you can enjoy it becuase it is a piece of escaping where the good guys win.  Everone needs to escape every once in a while.
So I give this movie 3 out of 5 stars.  That is It was okay, but I wouldn't recommend or avoid it.

Twilight - As i suspected this was just crap.  A big heaping serving of crap topped with more crap.  I think Stephanie owes me 2 hours.  I give it one garlic clove.

Night at the Museum II -  I liked this it was fun.

The girl with a dragon tattoo - despite it's name this is a good movie but it is in swedish.  Which means you can't watch while doing anything else.

You should watch more movies, or go for a Walk with your dog,  tommorrow the Dog and I are headed for the lake.

List of People I think should be hit by a bus

Over on the magic website, I made a brief list of people I think should get hit by a bus.  I thought, you know, perhaps this list needs, both further explanation and expansion.

Some people on the list I just want to be hit by a bus, maybe even a Buick Skylark.  I don't really think they're evil, or anything I just think my life would be somewhat more enjoyable without they're being on my television or radio.  Others I think should be hit by a double decker bus, then have the bus driver, back up to see if he hit anything and hit them for a second time.

• Dan Gilbert (he owner of the cavaliers)  This guy is a recent and likely fleeting entrant to my list.  He said Labron James was a coward and a traitor for leaving the Cavaliers.  Dude left Cleveland for Miami.  Cleveland seriously have you been there?  Miami seriously have you been there, dude is Rich, young and single, why wouldn't he go to Miami. 
• LaBron James - Also recent addition to the list.  Don't hold a hour long interview to announce to the world where your moving.
• Justin Bieber. Here is a link and I am certain in 6 months I'll re examine my very thoughtful list and think, who the hell is Justin Bieber, and then in 10 years after getting got in a Portland, Maine Mall parking lot with a male prostitute he will come out of the closet, but nevermind that for about 10 years, at which point I'll get to tell you I told you so.  Only it is likely you won't remember him, so my impresssive prophecy will be much less phrophetic.
• Glenn Beck, this guy drive me freakin nuts, more so than Rush but less so than Michael Savage or Mark Levin(e?).  I really wouldn't mind this being a multicar pile up.
• Mel Gibson - What  a dumb ass. I just heard part of the phone call he make where he was basically attacking his much younger girlfriend.  Here is a tip Mel, if you knock up a much younger gold digger, don't say shit on the phone, she is taping it, but Mel isn't on the list for being stupid, it is for what he said.  Here is a better tip, if your a hateful miseral excuse for a person perhaps having kids isn't a good idea.
• Sarah Palin.  She is single handely going to ensure a second Obama term.  That is an impressive thing to accomplish considering how much Obama has accomplished.

I Can;'t think of anyone else right now, but I'll up date later.

Weight, weight don't tell me!

Since I got fatter, or less thin would be the approriate way to look at it.  I have bounced between 175 (rarely) to around 195 (also rarely)  mostly I am between 180 and 185.  On 6/28 I weighted myself, after not having done so in a while which was less than accidental.

In february (or so)I was at 180.  Since then I shot up to 192.  I've been walking and trying to eat better, and have dropped back to 186 as of this morning.   I've been talking to an old high school buddy, actually an old grade school buddy.  who has been losing a few lbs.  Like 20 of them.  Although,  he was at 230 or so and is now at 215 or so.  Which is more than I weight, but dude is 6'2" which I am not. not even in platform shoes standing on my tip toes, but nevermind that.

I was watching some tv show this weekend, maybe biggest loser reruns or celebraty fit club, or dance your ass off or something like that and they where going on and on and on about how to lose weight.

This is the official Jerry D Guide to lossing weight. 

1. Eat less by less I mean fewer calories.  You can eat all the green beans you want you're not going to get fat off them.
2. Move more. 
3 Eat less and move more.

End of book.  I could replace an entire section on dieting in Barnes and noble or Amazon with my book.  Only troubles are.  a.  I just told you the entire book, and b.  It is too short. 

I suppose I could come up with some fluff, but then my book wouldn't different from all the other books. 

So here is my weightloss book.

1 eat less
2 move more
3 eat less and move more.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also and completely unrealted, do i say I have no written my book or i wrote my book.  This is only a sort of whimsical question.

I am drafting a letter and do not know if i say " I have not spoke with him before" or "I have not spoken with him before"  Both sound stupid to me.

Heroes

On the way into work this morning I Brad Meltzer on the radio basically plugging his new book.  Not basically he was plugging his new book "Heroes for My Son"  Which basically this guy made a list of important people that can teach us stuff.  I do not have a list, but I know it contains Thomas Jefferson, and Roberto Clamente.  And not for the reasons you would expect.  In the Radio Interview he said he picked Jefferson not for writting the Declaration of Independce but for not claiming it. 

Which is a good reason to be in this book.  In an era of chest pumping, look at me I am the greatest  (please ignore my claims this is the greatest blog ever for a moment), a little humility is a great lesson.

I am fairly certain my favorite sports figure hero didn't make this book.  That is Dan Quisenberry.  Dan was the man, and in the early eighties he was the best relief pitcher in baseball.  He had an odd delivery and was not a muscle bound talent laden stud.  He was a great athlete, as everyone who plays professional sports is, but he got there more for work than ability. (here is a sports illistrated commerical where you can see his odd motion.)



But none of these are the reasons he among my heroes.  I don't like baseball, I didn't watch him much, and I don't really care for his poetry, but I saw a piece on him once, likely on ESPN but maybe not where he said something along these lines.  While dying from a brain tumor at the age of 45 (I think, I should google that) he said to his wife something like "I never ask "Why me", Why not me?"  And that is a lesson that I don't always remember, but I try to. 

Watch the news, it is filled with stories of people being killed, raped, robbed and cheated.  Many times they ask why me or why god and I would likely do the same.   However, in doing so I would be ignoring the gifts given.  For I am an American, who on a global persecptive propbably earn more than 90% of the worlds population (If you live in America and are reading this you do too!)  I have a beautiful wife and baby.  I have a home.  I have more blessings than most will ever get.  When something bad happens as it always does, I hope to have the stregth of character to look at what ever problem has arisen with the clairity and dignity a baseball pitcher from long ago did.
On Days Like This: Poems

Independence

I was at church on sunday, and the Pastor was giving a rather moving tribute to those who've died in service of our country.

Not that I am entirely sure Canada and Austraila would have had the same history if ours was different, but he was talking about how without people willing to die fighting for freedom in the revoluntary war we wouldn't have it today.

Which is likely true but at the same time Canada, Austrailia, India, all seem to be fairly similar to us in their freedoms, without a violent start.  While Iraq, Iran, Isreal are not and they started with a revolutionary war.

I am not even sure what my point is here, it is just a thought that popped into my head.

On the plus side, we get to celebrate kicking the Brits asses every ever, and what do the Canadians get Boxing day.   I really don't know if they have an independce day or something similar and I don't know what boxing day is, it shows up on my calanders.

Why the internet is the greatest invention since, well, ever!

I was going to write about why I think the Internet kicks ass, but then my title has me thinking what are the greatest inventions ever.  I mean in school they teach you of the Cotton gin, but to be honest. Eli did nothin' for me with that one.

Here is my list of the greatest inventions ever.

• Diet Soda - I am sure I would be pushing 3 large if i was drinking regular soda, which is why regular soda is not on my list.  There is nothing good about regular soda, i mean other than it is tasty, but lots of things are tasty and well just not good.  However Diet Soda doesn't make me fatter.  It might not help me lose weight.  Which I know it doesn't, but I do think it stops me from gaining it. So for that I give diet soda a thumbs up.
• Head phones.   Besides being a boon for the ear, nose and throat specialist, I no longer have to listen to the annoying people in public simply put on my head phones and the bliss that can only be found in a crowd listening to widespread panic (or similar) by yourself.
• Blogs, I am including these because the Internet could exist without them, but then I would be making a publishing a list. 
• High heels.  While women may not agree, Heels are sexy, sexy is good, there for heels make the list. I could make an entire list dedicated to things that are impractical & uncomfortable, but well I like, but I'll just let heels represent that category.
• Running shoes.  Seriously what did people wear on the weekends in say 65?  I am not sure, I really don't know, and I don't want to live in a time where I don't know.
• Airplanes I know I use my car more, but I don't really care about that, I suppose I could travel via car, but I enjoy a flight.  If I want I can wake up on one continent and go to sleep on an other, how cool is that?
• Vaccines - I know a lot of push back is being aimed at them this year, but in Colorado just recently 3 otherwise healthy kids have died from contracting meningitis.  I was thinking this morning, I do not know one person who has had small pox, polio, mumps, measles.  That is all I can think of now.  If you look at the causes of childhood death in the US in say 1850.  Most of the leading ones are gone.  Which is groovey.
• Electric guitar - I likes me some music.
• Sun glasses, I am sitting at my desk with my offices east facing windows wearing sunglasses, I get to tell people it is because I am just that cool, but really it is because it is freaky bright in here, and if i close them it looks like a cave.
• Video games - which I like, and if they hadn't been invented my bored, geeky, lonely self would have spent my high school and most of my college years, looking at porn and jerking off.  Instead, I played video games and thus am not a sinner or at least not as much of one. (mostly this last one is to see if anyone actually reads this far.)

That is all i can think of right now, I am sure my list is incomplete, but well feel free to ad anything, or better yet go make your own list of the coolest stuff.