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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

i'm not right

So this morning, i am feeding the spawn cereal in my lap only she demands to hold the bowl so i let her becuase she usually does good, but this morning she dumps the chilly milk all over my lap.

At the same time the dog asks to go out side, so i think to my self, okay let the dog out, change pants, get more cereal.

So i open the door, and there are deer on the lawn, nothing gets the dogs early morning energy up like herbivores grazing on the lawn.  So he takes off chasing them, so i take off chasing him barefooted, and with a milky lap.

Anyway it was like 20 degrees out this morning, So the 3 or 4 minute chase, I finish and the milk in my private area has started to freeze, do you know what thought pops into my head?


Friday, December 17, 2010


How many words are in the english language?

Webster's Third New International Dictionary, Unabridged, together with its 1993 Addenda Section, includes some 470,000 entries. The Oxford English Dictionary, Second Edition, reports that it includes a similar number.

It seems that is alot, and some of them are clearly not needed.
These are just 4 of the words that i can think of that need not exist for me to communicate my thoughts and feelings.
I was having a conversation at work the other day and kept having to explain that my brother in law, my wife's brother and my brother in law my sister's husband.  Why in the name of all that is holy are these the same word?
My sister in law, my wive's brother's wive and my wive's sister shouldn't be the same either.
Unless there is a word for those people that i don't know, but I've never heard it and i am smart!  Okay, i may not be smart, but I've still never heard it.

Monday, December 13, 2010


So I was over at my other (old) blog by mistake, and though I should read some of the stuff I write, so I did the only appropriate thing I could think of and searched toilet, which brought up a slightly unnerving inmaterial number of posts, I picked the one I titled Round and Round and read it.  This is what I've learned I crack me up. Also I ran a spell check, put nevermind that.

Anyway here is my old post,

This morning I was standing in front of the bathroom sink, vigorously brushing my teeth, when i notice much to my horror, that the brushing motion was mimicked by my girth.
That is i went left my belly went left and than it follow back to the right, this wouldn't have been so bad if the movement hadn't continued after I stopped brushing, it seems my belly had some residual energy transferred to it, and it had built up some momentum.

This got me to thinking, what if i was to really go at a tooth brushing for all it was worth. Let out a primal scream and let loose with a frothy mouth of Whitening Crest. Is it possible to transfer enough energy and momentum to my belly that I could tweak my spine doing that? Has anyone ever thrown out their back brushing their teeth? I don't want to be the first, end up having my dentist and neurologist having to consult on my treatment.

If it is possible to throw your back out brushing your teeth, I am guessing you could suffer even more serious injury doing it. Suppose I throw my back out, let out wince and crumple to the floor knocking my noggin on the toilet on the way down.

This could slice my melon open, and I might end up with a staph infection. Maybe even some drug resistant variety that would render my immune system helpless as I waste away in the hospital, I would be lying in the hospital bed in a quarantined section where all the residences would point and laugh.

But if I had a serious blood infection in my head, this might end up with me being rendered and ex blogger, ex accountant, and an ex person.

So here i am having died from my injuries that result from my tooth brushing and I am standing in a line at St. Peter's gates. When i get to the front of the line I don't want st. peter saying "We told you to brush in circles!"

So i am making my official declaration that in order to preserve me status as a person I will from now on attempt to do tiny circles instead of big old back and forth bushes.

This part is new again

So I still don't do circles, but i'll try again, just like i'll try to be a better blogger and post more.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

point of view

As it turns out, there is a plus side to most things, perspective is very important to how things are interpreted.  For example, I recently have been diagnosed with the gout.  Which sucks, it sucks like nothing I've ever experienced except for the last time i gout a batch of gout.  Yes this is the second time, I've gotten it.  The first time it was medication induced and in my knee, this time I am not sure why, the doctor said, my uric acid isn't elevate from it's usual level.

As the election was just over and the tea party made an impact, some of whom were wearing good old fashioned tri-corner caps and knickers, in the founding father look alike mode.  Anyway, they all claim to want to return to what our founding fathers intended but you know who has some perspective into what the founding fathers wanted?  Me, good old Ben Franklin and I both have or had to deal with the agony of gout.  While Ben, didn't have the benefit of modern medicine, he was up late at night thinking, for the love of all that is holy stop the pain. But while he was up in the middle of the night, i am guessing he was contemplating, man kind and freedom from the shackles of the gout, which led to inspire Ben to dream of freedom from the shackles of gout, or Britain, which I am pretty sure are interchangeable terms.

Completely unrelated, but on the radio, i recently heard about a study done that determined wives do roughly 400% of the amount of house work of husbands, even when both are full time employees.  This is a stupid stupid study.  I am guessing, that men and women, do not split the chores evenly.  But that isn't what the study should have done, what it should have done was determine the hours of house work by single men and compared to single women.  I am guessing the woman still does much more work then the man. 

I lived in my apt, before I got married, for about 4 years.  Do you know how often I moved the furniture around?  Just once if you count the time i put it where it went.  Do you know why? because one it is in its place that is where it goes.  It has been my experience, if you get the house cleaned, and your are sitting around women will do things like think, you know the couch would look better of there.  What kind of craziness is this?  The worst kind, because women take credit for spending all day doing house for doing tasks they invented.  Where as I can get up clean the kitchen sit down and watch tv for the next 3 to 4 hours, and then I'll if you compared who did what, the wife will have done a ton more.  However, a good chunk of what she did, didn't need to be done.

I am not going to pretend that i do as much as she does.  I am thankful for that, but I am guessing she does less than if she was single, because I contribute.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


I was reading some online magazines.  While I was on Time I came accross this piece. Which is an article on Time's newfeed site about the most stolen cars in the US.  Here is the list

1. 1994 Honda Accord

2. 1995 Honda Civic

3. 1991 Toyota Camry

4. 1997 Ford F-150 Pickup

5. 2004 Dodge Ram Pickup

6. 2000 Dodge Caravan

7. 1994 Chevrolet Pickup (Full Size)

8. 1994 Acura Integra

9. 2002 Ford Explorer

10. 2009 Toyota Corolla

This list makes no sense, Say that 1994 Honda's where awesome.  How many are still out there?  I mean if in 2010 there are enough running 1994 honda's to have the top 2 stolen cars in the country it makes me think, maybe I should get a honda.

Completely unrelated to stolen cars, while maybe not completely unrealated, I watch the new karate kid and i thought, this sucks, I never imagined I would long for some crane technique.  But there i was thinking this just sucks.  Here is why, Ralph Machino played a great nerdy kid that needed to be mentored by a guy that had hidden ability.  Books are always what they seem.  I don't know the kids name but his parents are will smith and jada pinket smith.  He doesn't play the misfit very well.
Anyway at the end of the first movie, ralph won, but it was kinda believable.  Not really, but it wasn't just fantasy.  The end of the new one, the kid may as well have used a light saber.
I didn't like that.
I also watched hottub time machine, I like this one.  Actually it was crap.  just plain crappy crap, but it made me laugh and laughing is good. So It is exactly what a movie titled hottub time machien should be.
See the karate kid movie, i was expecting a cheer for the underdog, everyone can win if they try sort of movie, but what it was was a if you're a freak of nature and can do a standing backflip one leg, well it might work out for you.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

more movies

I watched 2 more movies, and let me explain my rating system.  Some movies are what you expect them to be.  To have one scale for all movies is just silly.  You don't watch a movie like X-men expecting quality acting, plot or character development.  However, to deny the movie is just good ole fashioned fun would be silly too.

That being said, I watched, Zombieland last night.  That is awesome.  If you like movies like Army of darkness, or Shaun of the dead.  It made me laugh.  Also there are important life lessons.  Rule number one Cardio!

That is a good rule to live by.  Cardio, saves!

Also, for those of you that long for the good old days, this is what is say, bite me.  I have gout.  Which, sucks.  It hurts like no body's business.  So i got diagnosed last night, got a 2 drugs prescribed to me, one of which is still under patent, and today, my foot only sort of hurt.  I do not want to go back to any time before these 2 drugs existed.

Monday, November 1, 2010


So I go to the doctor and the doctor said, no more monkey jumping on the bed.  Okay he didn't say that, but the other doctor who he is married to did say Go Tigers.  She is Auburn alumni.  We don't like her for that.

Right after the chit chat, I asked what the difference between MD and DO is and as far as i can tell, it is spelling.

Right after that they said, i gots the gout.  WTF is that?

I am not sure what causes it, but i do know it hurts like no body's business should hurt.

Completely unrealated, I've watch a handful of movies the last week or so.
  • An Education - This movie was okay, actually, it kinda sucked, It is about crappy people tricking people and is just crappy.
  • The Black Balloon - I sorta like this one, it is about people, real people dealing with real problems.  I liked the main flawed character.  Not that it is even the same kind of movie, but I watched "Up in the Air" a while back and thought, I do not like these people, who cares what happens to them.  This movie, I liked, because I did like main character.
  • Diary of a Whimpy Kid Granted I am not the target audiance, but I didn't like this movie for the same reason I didn't like Up in the Air.  Not only was/is a whimpy kid, but he made me want to punch him in the face.   Not that I would punch a kid in the face, or anyone for that matter, but I would like to think if i did, it would be someone like this kid.
In review, of the three movies i watched the one one that I would even casually recommend is the one, I had never heard of.  I mean it is likely I had heard of it since I put it in my netflix rental queue, but nevermind that.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

things that i think suck

This is my list of things that suck for today, which is not really a day as it is 3:25am, but nevermind that.
  • It sucks when your wife and daughter have to go on a trip for 2 weeks, i miss them and the i can't really watch the real housewives of anywhere if they're not here, they provide the perfect cover for my guilty, trashy womanly fun tv watching. 
  • Second, political ads.  I think i would vote for someone who just came out and said, I know the other guy running is a good guy, we disagree, but i don't think he wanted to give viagara to sex offenders or something like that.
  • gout - i had a bout of gout once, a long time ago, and i think i have another, i was on webmd, mostly cause it is the middle of the night and my ankle hurts so bad i can't even consider sleeping.
  • i do not have gout, what ever is wrong with my ankle sucks.  i literally hurts to have a sock on, or anything touching it.
  • bubble baths suck.  i thought i would try one, since i've been up since 11.  This is my review, right about the time i was getting comfortable, the bath cooled off and i had to get out all cold, which induced shivers.  shivering while whincing makes me, both a sissy, and whinny.
It has been a while since i posted, i now work for the federal government, and thought i should avoid posting my political thoughts, and given the season everytime i came here it turned that way, bear with me as i adjust to being the man.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

stupid people

This post is my response to the news and is basically calling everyone in the world, who is not me, or who disagrees with me stupid, but never mind that.

  • First group of people I would like to call stupid.  Are the people who want to build a mosque near ground zero.  While building the community center they're doing so under the guise of community out reach this is just stupid.
  • The people who are protesting the people building a mosque near ground zero.  Part of being free is the freedom to be stupid.  It might be a bad decision to build a mosque there, but if they bought the land shouldn't they be allowed to do with their land anything I can do with mine.  Side note, I don't have any, but if i did, i could put a church on it.  Also Manhattan is an island, the community center isn't actually at ground zero, but a couple blocks away.  If you grant that people have the right to build places of worship, how close is too close?  Are they allowed to build on the south end of the island?  How far is far enough from ground zero to be okay?
  • Burning the Koran church.  I am not arguing that they don't have the right to do so, but again, part of being free is the freedom to be stupid.   What are they hoping to accomplish by burning the books?  Secondly when has the side that is burning books ever been the right side?  How Christian is to take an action intended offend and hurt people, possibly inciting riots that will result in people getting killed?  
  • People who riot because someone offends them.  Here is my tip for you, by you i mean everyone.  Relax.  No matter what group you belong too, or how strongly you believe something most of the world disagrees with you. If you're going to riot and kill people, it is likely going to being only pain and suffering to your community.  (ie the folks that rioted over the dutch cartoonist drawing Mohamed, it was Muslims that died.)
  • 2 years ago the DEMS won everything, or nearly everything, now they are set to lose everything.  Do people just vote for who ever in not in office. If you are looking for the government to solve your problems, well that is just plain stupid.  If you voted for Dems or the GOP 2 or 4 years ago. Why switch, unless you really dislike a particular candidate.  I mean if you voted for Harry Reid, and no think he is slimy that makes sense.  If you voted for Obama, and don't like what he has done, are you just not paying attention, what has he done or not done that he said he would do?  Dude can not make laws, he can only suggest them and help craft them in committee, that is all he can do.
  • Anyone who is still reading this, dont' you have something better to be doing, like playing with your dog? 
  • , you should go get one.
I was driving into work this morning, and the talk radio was all abuzz with chit chat from the crazy people that call talk shows, getting all riled up about the mosque and the Koran.  Here is my take on it, if you think the people should be allowed to burn the Koran, then it would make sense that you should think that people should be able to build a Mosque.  Either you support freedom or you don't, you can't support freedom only for folks that agree with you.

In case you're wondering what i think, I don't think either group should do what they're planning to do, but I don't think third parties should be allowed to stop them either.  I also don't think building a community center is equivalent to burning a holy book.  One is an action that is misplaced; one is an action that has no place.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Stupid Questions.

If you type "Why are Americans" into google it suggest several questions for you.  I thought I would take this time to address them.

The first one is Why are Americans so fat?  This one is easy, because we have more money than the rest of the world and can afford to sit on our rich asses eating food that has no dietary benefits till the cows come home, and most of the rest of the world can't.  Maybe that is an over simplification, but it does have a lot to do with our lifestyles and if we did more struggling to find food, rather then just buying happy meals we would likely be thinner.

Question 2
Whyy are Americans so stupid?  I am not qualified to field this one since as an American I am stupid.

Question 3
Why are Americans fat?  It seems that some people think we are "so fat" and other think we're just fat.  I think this is a perception question.  compared to the people starving in like Peru, we are so fat, compared to Canadians we are just fat, but I could be wrong.

Question 4
Why are Americans afraid of dragons?

Although, I do not know why people are asking this question, I do know the answer is, who the f*&% isn't afraid of dragon.  They are giant, winged, fire breathing beasts hell bent on destruction and looting. 
I know they're fictitious, but I am certain, if you came across a dragon and weren't afraid, it would be the last thing you would come across.  Seriously, some questions don't need to be asked.

It is entirely possible the questions that don't need to be asked also do not need to be answered but never mind that.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Ads on my site

After my last 2 posts, the ads on my site changed to ads to meet women, I am not sure why.  Neither post had to do with women, well in as much as that is possible.  As it turns out nearly everything is a woman's fault.  You can blame Eve for that one, or not.  Who knows? I do know most of the stupid things I do have a woman's inspiration at their roots.

Anyway, that isn't why I write, clearly this is a English speaking or writing or reading, this is shall we say a  English friendly blog.  Which, doesn't mean I have anything against spanish, farsi or russian, but I don't speak them.

So 2 of the ads on the thing are to meet Brazilian women.  WTF would I want to meet a Brazilian woman for?  She is either, in Brazil, which is not where I am or her first language is not English, which means we would have an even harder time communicating. All of this is moot anyway, because I am married, but nevermind that.

After I typed this last quasi paragraph, it is only a paragraph if you can make something a paragraph by adding lines instead of having it contain a cohesive thought.  Anyway, perhaps the type of guys or gals that want to meet Brazilian women are not the sort of guys or gals that you would want to talk to anyway.  Unless they 2 are Brazlian or Portuguese, but nevermind that too.  I am thinking if you're looking for a woman from another country who speaks a different language than you do, perhaps, and this is just my thought, but you should get off the internet and into the comfy couch in a therapist office.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Be prepared

As a young boy scout, I learned the motto.  "Be prepared"

I have decided this is a very good lesson.  While driving into work today, some bad driver, I mean some other bad driver decided it was a good idea to exit from the far left lane.  Resulting in the guy next to me and myself being cut off.

The resulting application of the Jeep's brakes resulted in my soda shooting from between my legs to between my feet.  Which, if your keeping track, is not all that desirable of a location for a 1 liter diet coke.  The first is it is hard to drink from there, and what is the point of a refreshing early morning diet soda, if it is temptingly out of reach.   The second and likely more pressing reason is it makes shifting, stopping and or accelerating much more difficult, but never mind that.

So i get of the highway, get to a stop light, give the panhandler a $1 reach down crab my soda open it, and am showered with the golden nectar.  This sucks.  Not only is this not refreshing it is sticky.  If i wanted to be sticky I would move to Starksville.  However, I do not want to be sticky, but I do want a soda, so I have decided, tomorrow, I buy 2 soda.  I must be prepared with an emergency non shaken soda to sooth my semi-addiction based desires.

Sunday, August 15, 2010


I am driving down the road 2 days ago, but for your purpopes, think several days ago, and I was listening to an interview with a guy whose first language was clearly not English.  I would guess farsi, or pashtoon, or some other language I can't spell, but he was from Iran/Iraq/Afgan/pakistan.  I don't remember which, likely not Iran, so one of the other three.  Anyway dude get shot in the chest.  Which seems like a bad thing so he is taken to American military medical treatment who preform surgery on him and his is in recovery for a while and then he recovers, yea.

Anyway, so the guy's doctor says, your the luckiest man in the world, another 1/4 inch and that bullet would have pierced your heart.  The guy then says, he thank the doctor but was thinking, something along the lines of, I am fairly certain the luckiest man alive didn't get shot.

Anyway, As i've recently not been shot, i was wondering if the luckiest man alive is me.  So i am going to buy a lottery ticket see who that goes.

Friday, July 30, 2010

my letter to people magazine.

I am on hold, so I think, I am going to sure the net as the computer assistant just told me my expected wait time is greater than 15 minutes.

I had the great thought, I should write People Magazine.  So I sent them this email.

Dear Editors,

I have spent the past few months in a sullen state of dismay due to once again being egregiously left out off the previous list of People’s most beautiful people. Each year I look at the list and think, okay, I may not be top 10 material, but I could easily slide around 43. I also realize that tooting one’s own horn is not all that beautiful of a characteristic, however as I do not have an agent and am not famous I have decided the assault on my image of myself has gone on long enough, so I am writing you to ask for consideration in your next list.

I have just reread what I typed and have decided that perhaps I am overstating my own beauty. After all there are six billion people in the world and I am claiming to be around the 43rd most beautiful. That very act disqualifies me from inclusion. Narcissism is clearly not a beautiful characteristic.

But if I but some qualifiers on it, I think I might make your list. First off I am a guy. As we only represent about 48% of the world’s population. This means while I may not be in the top 50 of the whole population, perhaps I am in the top 50 dudes.

This still leaves 3 billion people, among them that guy in the old spice commercials. I am going to have to admit, he has me beat, also Brad Pitt, Will Smith, and several others have me beat on the beauty-o-meter.

I have decided to add some more qualifiers. If the fine folks at People ever decide to put a list of the 50 most beautiful male, Capricorn, left-handed, blue eyed, blood type A- , certified public Accountants, I humbly request consideration for this list.

Thank you

Thursday, July 29, 2010


I am being tempted by the Dark side.


Completely unrelated but I heard some people on the radio protesting the location of the proposed Mosque near ground zero.  I really have no opinion of this, and that is not why I write.  They also talked about the suicide bombers from 9/11 thinking they would go to paradise with 72 virgins.

Which got me to thinking this is a horrible reward for the following reasons.
  • 1 women is more than I can handle, 2 would be insane, 72, well that is no kind of paradise.
  • Really, 72 women in paradaise, who don't know what they're doing with me.  I barely manage to stumble around my life without it being complicated by my having to teach what i don't know.
  • I think in this set up the guy is the leader of the operation, that is pure lunecy. This isn't a reward, this is like herding cats, or better yet jelly fish.
If i am going to die for a cause the reward shouldn't create more drama and work than the sacrifice.

but then they're not trying to recruit me.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


So the other day, yesterday to be exact, but it is only yesterday if you read this today, so I will say a while back I heard a news story from evensville.  A rather sad story that was in the news.  Actually, it was from Arizona, To sum up, two girls in the desesrt are in a horrible car crash, one dies and one is in critical condition, they mistakenly miss ID the girls so the dead girls soccer team is coming to her funeral only to learn that she is the one that is alive.

I am not making light of this story, it is horrific, and well I think it is an episode of law and order. But in the law and order the mom of the dead girl kills the undead girl who is really her daugter for killing her daughter, which is nice.  I am serious that is an episode of law and order not sure which franchise, but nevermind that. 

The girls soccer team was University of Evensville.   They're in indiana.  When I was a Junior in High School, my dad got transferred out there, while we looked for a place to live, we stayed in the Raddison.  My parents had a room and my sister and I shared a room.  I swear every night when we went to our rooms and turned the tv on, Cinimax was playing this movie  "Ilsa the Tigress of Siberia" Which is one of the movies that gave Cinimax the nickname as Skinamax.  It was funny to us at the time, every night it seemed like we would turn it on and there she was, the Tigress. So like some pavlovian dog, you mention evensville to me now, and i think naked american's playing naked russians in movies.

I am not sure how to insert a section break here, but as a side bar that is completely unrealted and more than a little amusing. The lady that played the Tigress now offeres wedding in Las Vegas. I am serious, how perfect is that.  A senic Wedding  They offer outdoor weddings services.  I don't know if it their slogan or not but it says "If you are looking for an alternative to a traditional wedding chapel, consider "Nature's Outdoor Cathedral".  right on their home page.  As someone who got married on a beach, I can get behind that.  However, I am not sure I want a women that used to be in nudie movies doing it.

Other side note, isn't the internet great. In less than five minutes I found a movie I didn't know the name of, from 30 years ago, and what the "star" is doing now.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Student Loans

The Official Guide for GMAT Review, 12th EditionSome of you may know I have earned an MBA at Xavier.  The one in Ohio.  The Jesuit one.  The Jesuits while offering a quality education, do so at a price.  In case you don't know, as I didn't here is a helpful list of Jesuit Schools.
  • Boston College
  • Canisius College
  • College of the Holy Cross
  • Creighton University
  • Fairfield University
  • Fordham University
  • Georgetown University
  • Gonzaga University
  • John Carrol University
  • Le Moyne College
  • Loyola University Maryland
  • Loyola Marymount University
  • Loyola University Chicago
  • Loyola University New Orleans
  • Marquette University
  • Regis University
  • Rockhurst University
  • Saint Joseph's University
  • Saint Louis University
  • Saint Peter's College
  • Santa Clara
  • Seattle University
  • Spring Hill College
  • U. of San Francisco
  • University of Scranton
  • Wheeling Jesuit University
  • Xavier University.
I know it is a lot of them who knew?, I mean other than the Jesuits.  Not being a catholic, I don't know the difference between a Jesuit and a non jesuit school.  Notre Dame for example is catholic but not jesuit same with Dayton.  Anyway, the catholics educate a fair number of folks, which I suppose is good.

And here is my review of the difference between my experience at public institutions and private institutions.  I took classes at lets count, CEU, U of U, SLCC, SUU,  UNM, and XU.   A fair sampling of schools.  Anyway, the private school was by far more expensive, not even comparable really.  However, the experiance with the school was night and day.  Of course I was a graduate student, but they helped me every step of the way.  They helped with financial aid, they helped with scheduling.  They even helped me arrange to take 2 classes at UNM and transfer back because it saved me about $7k.  At public school everything was left up to me.  Which may or may not explain why it took me 8 years to get a BS and 11 months to do an MBA.  This has nothing to do with my impitus for posting but here is a piece of higher education advice for all you are taking it.  If you or your children are the responsible sort, Public school will save a truck load, if they are the sort of kids that will spend nearly every hour of every day trying to figure women or how to get women to like me, well perhaps the guidence and direction the administration of a private school offer is a good investment. 

But that isn't why i write.  While getting my post graduate degree I got me some loans, I was at the company that currently holds my student loans making a payment today.  And in the top right hand corner of the login page was a little box that said,  "Find us on Facebook!"

Seriously WTF is that?  Do i want banks as friends?  I am perplexed by it.   I have a very liberal policy for accepting friends on FB, here is is, Ask, and don't be someone I owe money to, that is pretty much it, well I suppose, don't ask to borrow money, don't be creepy and if you're a convicted violent felon, perhaps i am not your people, but other than that I will accept you as a friend.

I have several bands, companies, and non people as friends, but I don't owe any of them money.  What if I get hit by a bus, due to karma biting me right in the hindend, and am in a coma, do i really want the bank to post to all my other friends, Jerry is late with his loan payments.  Not that I am late, I am just wondering wny the want to be my friend.

Monday, July 19, 2010


You ever wonder why you fail.  Or since this is my blog do I ever wonder why I fail?  The answer of course is yes.  I dwell on it alot.  more then a lot, a great deal, and well, I wish I didn't.

I spent the weekend with my family, as they got back from a weeks worth of traveling and all I could think was I don't want to teach my daughter to be like me.  I want to teach her to be better than me.

Only I don't know how or I would be better.

She deserves me to be the best parent I can be, but my best isn't as good as she deserves.

I had better quit typing or I'll start to cry and that isn't what i wanted.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Stupid ads

So there are a bunch of ads on my website taht say things like 1 tip to lose weight, 18 days to a flatter stomach.  This is the trick to losing more weight in 1 hour than that Ruby chick has in 3 seasons.

Side bar I like that ruby show, she is fun.

Anyway, so i clicked on all 5 of the ads on my blog right now.  They took you to different websites, but all where basically the same page.  They had the same pictures.  Some were even just copies.

If the Acai berry is so good at weight loss, I don't think i want any.  I mean the coca plant is a tropical fruit and you can make cocaine out of it, and cocaine will make you lose weight.  Following that line of reasoning, the Acai berry is addictive and bad for you.

Need different ads, but since the google ad softwear that promtes things like that, will not read my blog for context, it will just link based on key words, I am guessing it is likely I will get more of them.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


I found myself home alone this past week so I took the liberty of doing some catching up on movies.
Here is my reviews of the movies I saw this week.

The Last Airbender I think this was at least entertaining, I mean you know going into it that it isn't going to be a really deep, well acted movie, but you can enjoy it becuase it is a piece of escaping where the good guys win.  Everone needs to escape every once in a while.
So I give this movie 3 out of 5 stars.  That is It was okay, but I wouldn't recommend or avoid it.

Twilight - As i suspected this was just crap.  A big heaping serving of crap topped with more crap.  I think Stephanie owes me 2 hours.  I give it one garlic clove.

Night at the Museum II -  I liked this it was fun.

The girl with a dragon tattoo - despite it's name this is a good movie but it is in swedish.  Which means you can't watch while doing anything else.

You should watch more movies, or go for a Walk with your dog,  tommorrow the Dog and I are headed for the lake.

Monday, July 12, 2010

List of People I think should be hit by a bus

Over on the magic website, I made a brief list of people I think should get hit by a bus.  I thought, you know, perhaps this list needs, both further explanation and expansion.

Some people on the list I just want to be hit by a bus, maybe even a Buick Skylark.  I don't really think they're evil, or anything I just think my life would be somewhat more enjoyable without they're being on my television or radio.  Others I think should be hit by a double decker bus, then have the bus driver, back up to see if he hit anything and hit them for a second time.

  • Dan Gilbert (he owner of the cavaliers)  This guy is a recent and likely fleeting entrant to my list.  He said Labron James was a coward and a traitor for leaving the Cavaliers.  Dude left Cleveland for Miami.  Cleveland seriously have you been there?  Miami seriously have you been there, dude is Rich, young and single, why wouldn't he go to Miami. 
  • LaBron James - Also recent addition to the list.  Don't hold a hour long interview to announce to the world where your moving.
  • Justin Bieber. Here is a link and I am certain in 6 months I'll re examine my very thoughtful list and think, who the hell is Justin Bieber, and then in 10 years after getting got in a Portland, Maine Mall parking lot with a male prostitute he will come out of the closet, but nevermind that for about 10 years, at which point I'll get to tell you I told you so.  Only it is likely you won't remember him, so my impresssive prophecy will be much less phrophetic.
  • Glenn Beck, this guy drive me freakin nuts, more so than Rush but less so than Michael Savage or Mark Levin(e?).  I really wouldn't mind this being a multicar pile up.
  • Mel Gibson - What  a dumb ass. I just heard part of the phone call he make where he was basically attacking his much younger girlfriend.  Here is a tip Mel, if you knock up a much younger gold digger, don't say shit on the phone, she is taping it, but Mel isn't on the list for being stupid, it is for what he said.  Here is a better tip, if your a hateful miseral excuse for a person perhaps having kids isn't a good idea.
  • Sarah Palin.  She is single handely going to ensure a second Obama term.  That is an impressive thing to accomplish considering how much Obama has accomplished.
I Can;'t think of anyone else right now, but I'll up date later.

Weight, weight don't tell me!

Since I got fatter, or less thin would be the approriate way to look at it.  I have bounced between 175 (rarely) to around 195 (also rarely)  mostly I am between 180 and 185.  On 6/28 I weighted myself, after not having done so in a while which was less than accidental.

In february (or so)I was at 180.  Since then I shot up to 192.  I've been walking and trying to eat better, and have dropped back to 186 as of this morning.   I've been talking to an old high school buddy, actually an old grade school buddy.  who has been losing a few lbs.  Like 20 of them.  Although,  he was at 230 or so and is now at 215 or so.  Which is more than I weight, but dude is 6'2" which I am not. not even in platform shoes standing on my tip toes, but nevermind that.

I was watching some tv show this weekend, maybe biggest loser reruns or celebraty fit club, or dance your ass off or something like that and they where going on and on and on about how to lose weight.

This is the official Jerry D Guide to lossing weight. 

1. Eat less by less I mean fewer calories.  You can eat all the green beans you want you're not going to get fat off them.
2. Move more. 
3 Eat less and move more.

End of book.  I could replace an entire section on dieting in Barnes and noble or Amazon with my book.  Only troubles are.  a.  I just told you the entire book, and b.  It is too short. 

I suppose I could come up with some fluff, but then my book wouldn't different from all the other books. 

So here is my weightloss book.

1 eat less
2 move more
3 eat less and move more.

Also and completely unrealted, do i say I have no written my book or i wrote my book.  This is only a sort of whimsical question.

I am drafting a letter and do not know if i say " I have not spoke with him before" or "I have not spoken with him before"  Both sound stupid to me.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


On the way into work this morning I Brad Meltzer on the radio basically plugging his new book.  Not basically he was plugging his new book "Heroes for My Son"  Which basically this guy made a list of important people that can teach us stuff.  I do not have a list, but I know it contains Thomas Jefferson, and Roberto Clamente.  And not for the reasons you would expect.  In the Radio Interview he said he picked Jefferson not for writting the Declaration of Independce but for not claiming it. 

Which is a good reason to be in this book.  In an era of chest pumping, look at me I am the greatest  (please ignore my claims this is the greatest blog ever for a moment), a little humility is a great lesson.

I am fairly certain my favorite sports figure hero didn't make this book.  That is Dan Quisenberry.  Dan was the man, and in the early eighties he was the best relief pitcher in baseball.  He had an odd delivery and was not a muscle bound talent laden stud.  He was a great athlete, as everyone who plays professional sports is, but he got there more for work than ability. (here is a sports illistrated commerical where you can see his odd motion.)

But none of these are the reasons he among my heroes.  I don't like baseball, I didn't watch him much, and I don't really care for his poetry, but I saw a piece on him once, likely on ESPN but maybe not where he said something along these lines.  While dying from a brain tumor at the age of 45 (I think, I should google that) he said to his wife something like "I never ask "Why me", Why not me?"  And that is a lesson that I don't always remember, but I try to. 

Watch the news, it is filled with stories of people being killed, raped, robbed and cheated.  Many times they ask why me or why god and I would likely do the same.   However, in doing so I would be ignoring the gifts given.  For I am an American, who on a global persecptive propbably earn more than 90% of the worlds population (If you live in America and are reading this you do too!)  I have a beautiful wife and baby.  I have a home.  I have more blessings than most will ever get.  When something bad happens as it always does, I hope to have the stregth of character to look at what ever problem has arisen with the clairity and dignity a baseball pitcher from long ago did.
On Days Like This: Poems

Monday, July 5, 2010


I was at church on sunday, and the Pastor was giving a rather moving tribute to those who've died in service of our country.

Not that I am entirely sure Canada and Austraila would have had the same history if ours was different, but he was talking about how without people willing to die fighting for freedom in the revoluntary war we wouldn't have it today.

Which is likely true but at the same time Canada, Austrailia, India, all seem to be fairly similar to us in their freedoms, without a violent start.  While Iraq, Iran, Isreal are not and they started with a revolutionary war.

I am not even sure what my point is here, it is just a thought that popped into my head.

On the plus side, we get to celebrate kicking the Brits asses every ever, and what do the Canadians get Boxing day.   I really don't know if they have an independce day or something similar and I don't know what boxing day is, it shows up on my calanders.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Why the internet is the greatest invention since, well, ever!

I was going to write about why I think the Internet kicks ass, but then my title has me thinking what are the greatest inventions ever.  I mean in school they teach you of the Cotton gin, but to be honest. Eli did nothin' for me with that one.

Here is my list of the greatest inventions ever.

  • Diet Soda - I am sure I would be pushing 3 large if i was drinking regular soda, which is why regular soda is not on my list.  There is nothing good about regular soda, i mean other than it is tasty, but lots of things are tasty and well just not good.  However Diet Soda doesn't make me fatter.  It might not help me lose weight.  Which I know it doesn't, but I do think it stops me from gaining it. So for that I give diet soda a thumbs up.
  • Head phones.   Besides being a boon for the ear, nose and throat specialist, I no longer have to listen to the annoying people in public simply put on my head phones and the bliss that can only be found in a crowd listening to widespread panic (or similar) by yourself.
  • Blogs, I am including these because the Internet could exist without them, but then I would be making a publishing a list. 
  • High heels.  While women may not agree, Heels are sexy, sexy is good, there for heels make the list. I could make an entire list dedicated to things that are impractical & uncomfortable, but well I like, but I'll just let heels represent that category.
  • Running shoes.  Seriously what did people wear on the weekends in say 65?  I am not sure, I really don't know, and I don't want to live in a time where I don't know.
  • Airplanes I know I use my car more, but I don't really care about that, I suppose I could travel via car, but I enjoy a flight.  If I want I can wake up on one continent and go to sleep on an other, how cool is that?
  • Vaccines - I know a lot of push back is being aimed at them this year, but in Colorado just recently 3 otherwise healthy kids have died from contracting meningitis.  I was thinking this morning, I do not know one person who has had small pox, polio, mumps, measles.  That is all I can think of now.  If you look at the causes of childhood death in the US in say 1850.  Most of the leading ones are gone.  Which is groovey.
  • Electric guitar - I likes me some music.
  • Sun glasses, I am sitting at my desk with my offices east facing windows wearing sunglasses, I get to tell people it is because I am just that cool, but really it is because it is freaky bright in here, and if i close them it looks like a cave.
  • Video games - which I like, and if they hadn't been invented my bored, geeky, lonely self would have spent my high school and most of my college years, looking at porn and jerking off.  Instead, I played video games and thus am not a sinner or at least not as much of one. (mostly this last one is to see if anyone actually reads this far.)
That is all i can think of right now, I am sure my list is incomplete, but well feel free to ad anything, or better yet go make your own list of the coolest stuff.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Frontier Airlines :(

Frontier has lost my family as customers.  Not becuase the service was bad, or to expensive, well partially for being to expensive when compared to southwest.  I mean I can fly my luggage for free on southwest, and that is I think 50 per person.  If we all have only one bag.  But I don't fly Southwest very much either.

Anyway when I moved to Denver, Frontier was a local company that offered a free flight for 15,000 miles, which was 10,000 fewer than United.  Then they went belly up and someone (Midwest airlines) bought them and raised the miles required to 20,000.  Fair enough, I mean they did go bankrupt.

however, we tried to book a flight using miles from Denver (their hub) to orlando (one of the daily destinations) and they said, you can't use miles for this flight.  Apparently you can only fly to the cities no one wants to go to with your miles.

Now, I was on their sight today and they've raised it to 25,000 miles per flight needed.  Which is the same as United.  Not that I am singing the praises of United, I mean remember they break guitars. If you've not seen the United Breaks Guitars video, google it or go to You Tube, it is some funny stuff.

Anyway, now United and Frontier have the  same cost in miles to fly.  Only can go everywhere on United.

Also, I like that the frontier planes had direct tv available, however the last two flights I took did not. 

Anyway, United blows, but If you're going to get miles from someone, shouldn't it at least be someone who will take you someplace you want to go?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

home from work

I stayed home from work today to becuase the lil' tyke is feeling these than well.

One 1/2 of one day with a sick baby is far more trying than a week of work.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Long time the manxome foe he sought

So rested he by the Tumtum tree, And stood awhile in thought.

It has been a while since I posted, but this past weekend, I got Alice in Wonderland in the mail and i've not watched it yet, but I thought I should post something.

This mornning when I got to day care, the spawn and myself pulled into the parking lot turned off the car and she kept singing AAAA- OOOOOO  ___________ GO!

Apparently "let's" is hard to say, but it made me laugh.  My 15 month old is singing along to the Ramonoes!!  I think I deserve somekind of parenting award.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Up in the Air

So i am watching Up in the Air and This is my review, this movie sucks.
I want a happyending.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


I am in Trader Joe's in Chicago, looking for supplies for the hotel room, water, fruit, that sorta thing so if we gets to hankering for a midnight snack or something, we don't have to buy the 18.00/gulp bottle of water.  Anyway,  while the wife is shopping I am trying to teach my daughter the colors.

I would point to a blue box and do the sign for blue.  Point to a red box and do the sign for red, that sorta thing.  So lady sees me and gets all excited and asks if I am deaf.  To which I say no and shake my head.  So she asks if the baby is deaf, to which I say no and shake my head.  Then she says, "I am deaf." Which you could tell as soon as she talked but never mind that.  So I ask her if she knows the sign for pink, becuase I didn't know that one.  I remembered it was like purple but different.  So she shows me.

Then unbeliveably she thanks me for teaching my daughter signs and smiles one of the most genuine smiles I've ever seen.  This got me thinking, perhaps, it is a good thing to teach your kids signs, even when they're able to speak and it also serves to remind me, things are going pretty good for team me.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


what am i getting for my tax dollars?  That is the question I ask.  I keep hearing people protesting the taxes.  I would believe these people where not racist if they had protested bush too, but they didn't and obama hasn't raised the taxes.  Ergo, they must be protesting something else?

However, that isnt' why I am posting, I am working on a American that lives in Canada's US return.  Dude made about 550k CAD which is about 484k US he doesn't have to buy health insurance (also he is a dentist or orthadontist, or some form of mouth doctor).  His combined Canada and province tax came out to 18.23%

I am going to find a US guy with about that income and compare.
While I am looking now would be a good time to fold some laundry or something, Be right back

So dude I looked up off the top of my head made 555k US.  His tax came out to 27.8% combined federal and state, and he paid 27k for health insurance.

Just sayin'

Saturday, April 3, 2010

See what a little press can do for you!!!

Yesterday morning I log onto my machine to start yet another day of toiling away the hours, while my baby is growing elsewhere, but nevermind that.  I like to complaing about my job, and stuff, but when a hospice is headquartered in the same building as your employer, there is rarely a week that goes by when I am not reminded that I am one of the lucky ones (for now). Anyway, I log onto my machine and I see this headline.

"Whale escorts pro surfer"

I thought that seems like a weird story, so I click on it, Some lady I've never heard of has a friend with breast cancer, although, I've never heard of her friend either, I have friends, cousins, and generally people I know who have, had, or have had breast cancer.  Fortunately, for the ones I know, I do not know anyone who has lost this war, so see I am lucky.   Anyway, I go to the chick's (I mean that in the most pc none sexist use of the term chick possible) site and see that she has raised $8k or something like.  Which is a heck of a lot more than i have ever raised for anything, and an accomplishment that should admired. 

Anyway, I go back this morning and she has raised 115k.  Althought the site rounds off becuase it says she raised $115,327.00 and I know I donated an amount that ended with .31.  I suppose it is possible that she has some other guy or not guy donate the .69 needed to make that an even 1 but I dont' know. Anyway, that is some serious fund raising.

Her page is at here and she is raising money for Keep a Breast Foundation.

Anyway that is all i got today, I just thought it was a cool story, then I thought it was cool to see what yahoo publicity can do for a cause!!


Tuesday, March 30, 2010


It is easy to stand up for what you believe in, It is much harder and by far more nobel to stand up for the rights of those you do not agree with. At least that is my opinion.

Remember during the Iraq invasion, there were a bunch of people protesting the start of the war and then the was various groups protesting the on going war, blackwater and all kinds of stuff.

To which many on the right called the protesters unamerican or unpatriotic. They should protest our president's decisions and all kinds of crap.

Now the roles are reversed, the tea party is getting slammed by those on the left.

Both of these piss me off, freedom means freedom for those that do not agree with you. It is not unAmerican to protest anything any president does. In fact I would counter that it is largely a uniquely American thing. Most countries do not swing from as far right to as far left as we do. France for example moves from the left towards the middle but never really turns conservative.

As much as I disagree with the teaparty movement I support their right to march protest organize and say what ever they want.

Also I think, the more they say the more likely it is they'll end up serving as a catalyst to help obama win in 2012. If the tea party managers to push the GOP right of Bush, the middle will not go. As much as the left and the right extremists want to claim their way is the best, Americans are largely centrists.

That is all I have. I was listening to the news and they were being condesending to the tea party for being the tea party, that i do not like.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Out of balance

SO I sent, my balance post to the fine folks at Hershey's reformatted as an email, they actually responded.

"Thank you for contacting The Hershey Company.

Your comments about REESE'S Big Cup Peanut Butter Cup Candy are important. Our goal is to develop products, promotions, and advertising with widespread consumer appeal. It is disappointing to learn that your expectations were not met. Comments such as yours are valuable and provide input into future planning.

This email address is restricted for outgoing messages only. For that reason, please do not respond to this email as the inbox is not monitored.

We appreciate your loyalty as a consumer."

Which means well nothing of importance, but it does mean that I am so skilled in shirking my work duties, that I can get people I've never met at companies, I've never been too, to shirk their duties to respond to nonsense emails.

Friday, March 19, 2010


Life is all about balance. the Yin and Yang, good and evil. that sorta thing, most of the time I don't think about this, but every now and again something reminds you balance is key.

Today I tried a Reese's Big Cup. My review is zero stars, these just suck. They look deceptively similar to regular reese's cups but they're bigger. However they're mostly bigger due to having more peanut butter without a corresponding increase in chocolate.
Thus when you bite into a reese's big cup the ratio peanut butter to chocolate is not the same as when you bite into the perfection of chocolate and peanut butter harmony that is a reese's peanut butter cup.

The 2 great tastes that taste great together, are much better together in the proper ratio!.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

reasons I am against health care reform

I suppose I shoudl add the way it is proposed. I mean I am for health care reform, just not the current plan which does nothing but tax the middle class under the guise of health care.

1. I hate government mandates. The only way this plan reduces costs is if everyone buys health insurance. Meaning healthy young people that don't buy it now, are going to be forced to buy. I am not say they shouldn't have health insurance, I seriously do like the government telling them how they can spend the money they don't take from them in taxes.

2. Why would they tax individuals making over 200 and married couples over 250? I know of at least one couple that got divorced solely for tax reasons. This is a potentially huge reason to not get married, if your rich. I would love to have this problem, which I don't. But say I made 500k mostly on interst and dividends and say I can gift an unlimited amount to my wife. right now there is no payroll tax on any of the interest and dividends. But if this law passes, they'll tax 250 of it, but if i give 1/2 of it to the wife, we get divorced, now they'll tax 150 of it, how the hell does that make sense?

3. Since this whole health care debate began when the DEMS won in 2008, Health care stocks have soared. Do you really think this is going to be bad for them?

4. OVer on, you can see who gives what to congressmen.
My congressman is Ed Perlmutter, the 3 highest industry on his was health professionals and forth was insurance. I am sure he is fighting to reform health care to the detrimint of insurance companies.

5. I don't like that the Dems will not hold a vote in the senate. The rules are teh rules for a reason. I also think, that if the dems do this and lose the congress, if the GOP excludes them from everything, well you get what you deserve.

This is a rather boring post, but I am a liberal guy, who thinks the dems have turned health care reform from a good thing into a way to get more money from insurance companies.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Make Lemonade

So i was eating my lunch and on web, and I saw a link and I clicked on it.  Then I saw a link and I clicked on it.  I ended up at the page of some little Alabama girls CaringBridge site.  To be honest I don't know how I got there.  I certainly didn't mean to end up there, this little girl is neither my friend nor my family, and it felt really really intrusive for me to be there.  I didn't read it, as soon as i realized where i was i left the site, but not before I started thinking.  I hope she is okay!

Again it got me thinking, how good I have it right now.  I mean my little girl is as far as i know healthy.
There is nothing else I can really even hope for without a bit of shame of my greed.  I have a healthy family, what else really matters?  Nothing.

Anyway, this reminded me of the story I had heard a while back about Alexandra Scott.  She was a little girl battling cancer, who started a lemonade stand to raise money for her hospital.   She died at age 8.   Her foundation has raised over 30MM since she started it for cancer research.

The foundation is called Alex's Lemonade Stand.  

I am thankful, I don't have to deal with a sick child, hopeful that I will not have to.  Anyway, This month I made my charitable donation to this foundation.  Like the St. Jude people say "give thanks for the healthy kids in your life and give to those who are not."

Crystal Moon - World of Grayham (Book 1) (Worlds of the Crystal Moon)Crystal Moon - World of Grayham (Book 1) (Worlds of the Crystal Moon)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I hate bull fighting

So i was watching 60 mintues, but only like 20 mintues of the show over the weekend and I saw a piece on bull fighting.  I am not really sure what it was about, it had 2 brothers that were bull fighters whose father had been killed doing it.  anyway the piece is here.

This is what I learned, I wouldn't watch someone kick a dog until it died.  If i saw a person kicking a dog, for fun, get hit by a bus, I would think, there is some charma.  This is how I view bull fighting.   To take pleasure from toruring the animal is just plain wrong, as far as i am concerned the only good bull fights are the ones where the sick mofos fighting the bulls get gored.

Not sure why i watched this, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I am one lucky fellow!

I was thinking the other day, I have to good.  I mean I shouldn't be too boastful as the other shoe will likely drop without any warning, but as for now I have it good.

completely unrelated to the prior sentence but the older I get the more I think old men with young girls is just plain creepy.   It may have to do with my having a daughter, but I doubt it, as I had developed this opinion long before the arrivial of my baby girl.  (side note, I need to think of a cool nickname to refer to her as on here).  Anyway, I saw a new story the other day where they were interview a convicted sex offeneder that had raped a 16 year old, or 3 or them or some such detail I didn't need to know and didn't pay that close of attention too.  What I noticed was dude was like 50 or 60.  That is just wrong.  When I was 16 I thought I was all grown up, now when I see high school kids, I think they're just kids.

I am in my thirites, rapidly running out of thirties, but never mind that for now.  I have a sectacularly beautiful wife, that is super hot. In part becuase she is a woman and not a girl.   Over on the magic website, I have lots of friends from high school and college and the likes, and what I have noticed of late is that the girls that I thought were pretty when I was 17 and 20 have become beautiful women.  Not that I want anything from them, and maybe they're all using pictures from glamor shots, but I some people grow into adult hood with grace and dignity, which makes them at least in a photo look like they improved over the last 20  years or so.  I don't know.

I do know that I wish I had improved over the last 20 years, but well, I haven't.  Well unless you stand me next to my family, my wife, daughter and dog are are a photgenic lot and just standing next to them makes it look like I have it going on.   Which is clearly an illusion, however, I have a little over a year to get myself into tip top shape to go to my high school reunion.

Actually that was a joke, that didn'tme across very well.  I need to get into shape for lots of reasons, none of which is to impress people I have not seen since  bon jovi was popular.

Friday, February 26, 2010

something isn't right

So teh past couple days the news and the radio stations have all been abuzz with news of the healthcare reform or the lack there of.  This just happened to happen the same day i got the tax information for a new client. Acutally 2 new clients, actually 3 new clients, a doctors office and the 2 doctors that own it.  This is not unusual becuase we have a lot of doctor's as clients, what is unusual is that these doctor's do not accept insurance.

They actually charge less for an office visit than most doctors out there, but they demand payment at time of service.  Which saves them a great deal of hassel and headache trying to get money from the insurance companies. 

Also based on the tax returns, these guy are not just scrapping by.  There doing quite well Thank you.

Anyway, just that that was an interesting coinkydink.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Some guys!!

Background story
We have a client that is doing well for herself. When I say well, she went part time last year and made about 450,000 significantly less than the 700k she was making the year before.

This lady's new husband, as they just got hitched a couple years ago, makes 80k or so. Which is good work if you can get it.

So here is my story
Anyway the single guy in the office next to me, was looking at their file and he said something like I coudln't marry someone who made more money than me. I wouldn't feel like a man if I were in that situation.

WTH is that?  Do guys think that way?  I don't I think this way, the wife and I are a financial team, it isn't my money and her money it is our money.   If she can make oodles that significantly increase the chances that I will one day have a mid life crisis and be able to get  a corvette or something along those lines.  If I was determined to make more than my wife, my mid life crisis reward would have to be going to blockbuster and renting a manly movie.

I mean seriously 80k is a good job, i think it is about double what that guy is making as a non graduate, non cpa entry lvl accountant.  (Altough I don't know this for sure).    So dude is basically saying the most he wants his family to make is 80k if him and his future (and emotionally needy wife) could make is double his income, which puts them at around what that guy is making without his wife's 450 large. 

Anyway, I was sorta put off by this comment this morning  I don't think most guys are that well neadertalish are they?  I suppose there is likely a significant proportion that are like that, but well, these guys are asses!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

things i should have known

I've been a parent a little less than a year now. This past year, I've had some lessons taught to me that I would have been happy not knowing. I know what it is like to be tired now. I mean my wife is much more likely to bear the brunt of my baby deciding that it is 12 am, entertain me. which wouldn't be all bad if she didn't demand encore preformances at 3 am.

I got an middle year infection. That dreadfully painfull, but I hadn't had one since I was little and it sucked, I am fairly certain that I got this one just as a helpfull reminder as how bad the suckage is. There is a better than slim chance my girl with get one some time and when she does, I think I'll be more understanding becuase of my bout.

The last few weeks, I have been having vivid nightmares. I think this is another lesson being taught to me. They can be down right terrifying in ways that are both unbelievably personal and unxplainable. So when she comes to me in a few year and says she has had a bad dream and she is scared, I will try to not just say, it was only a dream.

That is all i got. I didn't mean to sound so negative, I also get to love her, and that makes me smile! Although, I am worried her big brown, but daddy i need it, eyes are going to cost me some money!!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Feb 15th

Today is 2/15 which means there is only 2 months of tax season left and one of them is freaky short as far as months go. That is unless you use a lunar calendar, then there are more with 28 days, but then I am not using one of those so never mind that.
The point is, it is Feb 15th and I am tired. Really really tired, so as a guy who has a baby that is nearly 1, and a wife that is more than understanding about tax season, I must take this time to marvel as single parents.

How the hell do they do it?

That being said, Why oh why didn't someone approach me in a mall, and say something like, you've got just the look for our new line of jeans. Thus launching a male modeling career that could only be rivaled by Hansel.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I am a dog or I am the greatest dad alive !

So we've been trying to teach our baby to sign. She does more, and waves bye and she does dog sometimes. She also says Da for me and DA for the dog. So this past weekend, I was making sure to empahsis the sign for dog, which at least according to our day care is slapping your upper thigh, kinda like you're trying to get the dog to come.

Anyway, yesterday, when I got home from work she was sitting in the middle of our living room, looks right at me and says DA and slaps her thigh. Which at first made me sad, I was thinking my daughter thinks that her dada is the same as her doggie.

But after some reflection it occurred to me, I have taught my 10 month old baby that men are DAWGS. I should get an award.

Monday, February 8, 2010


As it turns out I think I am a bit of a weirdo. A while back for about an afternoon, I thought of going to law school. At this time, I signed up for the LSAT. By time the LSAT rolled around, I had already decided this is not what I want to do but I wonder how I would do on the test.

For the first time in my life, I think a test beat me. I prepared for the exam had all my stratagies worked up and then sat down and wasted most of the time for the logic games section stuck on one problem, I should have skipped and went back, I know, but i was so close to the answer but just not seeing it.

Anyway, It has bothered me for years. The LSAT is the only test, that has happened to me with. This is the part that makes me odd. I want to retake is solely to prove to myself, (and the 3 and 1/2 people that read this) that I am not a logic games dolt.

Abby's posts are part of the reason why, but the real reason, is there is a knuckled head neandertal dude in the office next to mine, that thinks he is smarter than me becuase of his lsat score, which, in all honesty wasn't as high as my previous one, but he thinks i did poorly becuase I didn't apply to any law schools.

Anyway, That is all, I am sitting here in tax season thinking about taking the LSAT just becuase I need to do better.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Chasing Beaver

This morning at the crack of early, (It was predawn, and I don’t know an expression for predawn early) my dog decided that he needed to go outside. As it was not yet dawn and my dog feeling this lack of dawn was negatively impacting my mood, decided that he would do his best impersonation of Don Juan and chase some beaver. Which if the lighting is just right and I am in the mood, is a good time but not this early in the morning. So as dog lustfully takes off in pursuit of the ever-so elusive beaver, I followed, mostly because well, I was attached via a leash. (I am fairly certain I am supposed to decide where we go, but never mind that) My dog, as most dog is aided by a low center of gravity and four wheel drive, once we were on the pond it was him leading me and me trying not to fall on the ice while trying to explain to him that despite the fact the ice comfortably held the beaver, I find it highly unlikely the beaver weighted 305lbs. Not that I weight 305 but the dog and I are a combined 305 (Thankfully the ice held and the beaver escaped (again).

The mutt, (who is technically not a mutt) is nothing if not an eternal optimist. For 2 years now he has been chasing this beaver, I am not sure if it is a family of beavers or a swinging single pad, but he never passes up a good effort at catching some beaver, and by the lusty look in his eye, I am fairly confident he was certain he was going to get lucky this time.

Friday, January 29, 2010


As it turns out maybe blogging in the middle of night is a bad idea, or alternatively, using your blog to vent your frustration at the world instead of those around you is also a bad idea, I am sure the good idea lies somewhere in between hither and yon but nevermind that.

I was thinking, i should go work out and with that i am off to the gym.

Thursday, January 28, 2010


I am unable to sleep tonight mostly because of nightmares.  I got to thinking how do people who have friends pass away that are tech savvy deal with it.  I was just dreaming of a friend who passed 17 years ago.  Back then the internet was just starting up. 

I didn’t have an email account and no where could  you just search and find pictures of people.  If i was able to find pictures of her back then, I am fairly certain it would have driven me crazy.  If i could have seen her last blog post, or watched the evidence of her life slowly be ripped from the internet due to inactivity that would have sucked even more.

Maybe not, it sucked as it was, and it messed me up pretty good.  I lost myself then and am not the same person I was, which on one hand is good and on the other is very sad.  I hate that.

I hate when you wake up and it seems no matter how much time has passed, you head can renew the wounds ripped into your soul on a whim.   I am very happy right now, I have a good job, a few good friends, a great wife and a spectacular little baby girl, but every now and again, mostly around the end of January, My head thrusts the past to the front and center.

Not to say that I don’t think about things year round, there is a scar on my left hand from the accident, and I can’t notice it without it serving as a reminder that I failed.

I hate that about me!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Abligurition and other stuff

As it turns out English is widely spoken language that has many different contributor languages to draw from.  We speak a Germanic Language but of the Germanic languages ours is unique in the grammar.   Which serve to frustrate and confound those of us that speak English and try to learn and other, and those that speak another and try to learn English?
I was perusing a book the other day that basically chalked this up to, I don’t remember the name of the book or exactly the order dude theorized events happened in but it went something like this.  Germanic speaking folks figured out how to get to Britain, so they go over there where they find the locals speaking Gaelic, Welch and likely some others I’ve forgotten, so as is usually the case rather than completely displace, the locals the languages were sort merged, then the Vikings came down and messed it up even more so that the English we speak is a mix of the base Germanic language mixed with local Britain languages mixed with whatever the Vikings spoke.
Which is neither here nor there, but it got me thinking English has some a lot of words the Second Edition of the Oxford English Dictionary has entries for 171,476 of them in current use and 47,153 obsolete words.
Among these forgotten words is abligurition. Which word thinks is spelled wrong. But it isn’t, it is obsolete.  However, I think this is a word that needs to be brought back into usage.  A few months ago we looked at our monthly spending and realized we were spending an obscene amount of money on food.  Not even good food, we were spending our fortune and getting a lot of food that was making us sick.
 In case you’re wondering abligurition, means prodigal expense for food.  I am fairly certain in today’s culture it isn’t just us that have this problem, I drive down the street and every corner it seems has a drive through. 

Second issue, is I've been working out at a athletic club, and this old guy has taken to talking to me in the locker room, which I guess is good, but he does it naked.  Everyone, or nearly everyone at this club, chats naked.  WTF, when I am standing there with my junk all exposed the last thing I want to do is talk to someone about my weekend plans, these lads on the other hand seem to think there is nothing wrong with it, I find that weird.

Third issue, at the same club they're running a special six week training program for only 800 bucks.   $800 dollars for 2 personal training sessions per week for six weeks.  Sheesh, here is Jerry's new answer to that.
A penny weights 2.5 grams, there are 28.35 grams in an ounce and 16 ounces in a lb. $800 bucks in nickles is about 170 lbs. 

I think I would rather get the 172 put in a back pack carry it around for six weeks, and then I would have 800 and I am sure I would be in better shape, I suppose I should deduct the cost of replacing my backpack and the chiropractor, but nevermind that.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Difference between men and women

I was over at Abby's reading her post, and I thought I've not posted a difference between men and women post in a while and since Abby posted one, I thought you know this is timely becuase I was talking to my boss about it. Before I get going I thought I would remind everyone that I operate under the premise that women are crazy and men are stupid.  Which via exhaustive research and clinical trials has been found to be 100% likely.

Here is my thoery for why women end up on that TV show Snapped.

Women's minds can be explained string theory to explain the universe, everything is related, intertwined and has meaning. Men on the other hand will sit and ponder and dilberate within their heads and at the of much deliberation and pondering come to remarkable conclusions like, "I think, therefore I am."  To which other men with say, that is genius.  I am sure Mrs. Decartes was like, no shit you are, you are late for diner!  Her version was probably He thinks therefore nothing gets done.  The problem with string theory however is it doesn't work.  At least it can't be proven to work the math just doesn't work.

Anyway, women's minds are trying to make connections and find reason for actions in the universe. Namely 2 women will get to together and gossip about another women's actions, and they all assume the actions taken are meaningful, thoughtout and most likely evidence of the 3rd women's being a backstabbing bitch.  I do not know that this is how all women are, I do know that, when you try to apply the same rules to men's actions the evaluation doesn't work.  This is becuase of a varible not often considered by women.

That variable is, there is no reason for why we do stuff, we just do and move on.  You can't expect us to answer your questions about why we do stuff, becuase we don't know, we decide to do something do it and then move on.  For example dude deicdes he is going to do something crazy like get a motorcycle.  So dude gets a bike, when women finds out she'll ask why, and the guy will say, I don't know.  Then she gets her panties all in a bunch and get mad, but dude is just being honest, if you want to know why he got a bike ask him before he gets it.
But the trick with that is, how do you know to ask why guys did something before they done it?  But if you wait till after they've done it, then they won't know why.
I remember a while back seeing an interveiw with Tiger Woods' mom talking about the difference between his mom and dad.   She said something like, he was a softie, he will forgive, he will forget, I don't forget anything!  This sort of behavior is beyond most men.
In short, Male/Female relationships would work alot better if women would accept that for the most part, men are not thinking, we don't know why we do stuff, and we really don't care why other people are doing stuff if it doesn't bother me.
Granted there are exceptions to this rule, there are the guys that hold grudges for years only to unleash them in the future, and there are women that are just as clueless as men are.

Monday, January 18, 2010

My thoughts!

I was at church this weekend. The guy spoke about the Book of Revelations. He did a fairly good job. I really hate when people read this book. It seems that everyone thinks everything going on now is proof the end times are near. He didn’t do that, so I was pleased. These the end is near prognostications have been going on for as long as there have been Christians. Everyone seems to think their problems and plights have biblical scope. As bad as the news programs paint the world now, it seems to me, it is far from the darkest days, but what do I know?

If you want to know what Jerry has learned from the Bible and the book of Revelations in particular pay attention to this, if not, well, see you next paragraph or post of something. But this little nugget may be the only thing I ever write worth writing and well it may be complete nonsense too, but sometime when I was a teenager this thought popped into my head and has stayed there.

You should live your life like the end is now, and you should prepare your life as if the end will never come.

That is it really, I was talking to a client a few weeks ago and I got to bust that little nugget out. She was asking me about retirement savings and we looked at a projection that planned for her to still have money when she was 112. Which I suppose is pretty optimistic thinking, but beyond that, she asked should I save that much?

This particular woman is in the enviable position of having more money than most of us, and by saving that much she meant should I have that much in my retirement accounts instead of somewhere else, but I suppose the way you get there is to save first and ask questions later, that is probably another life lesson, but never mind that for today.

I got to tell her the only people who don’t run out of money when they retire are the ones that plan to need it. Which reminded me of my biblical thought when the preacher gave his sermon.

That is the only people that need to be concerned with judgment day are those in fear of judgment.

Also not completely unrelated I was at the library this weekend and I got Tuesdays with Morrie. This book is a good book that is very emotional. Emotional in that it gets you thinking I should do more. Not more work, or things like that but more things like spend time with my wife and baby. Tell my dad I love him, and listen to my mom’s meaningless pointless inane stories. Those sort of things. Which is also what I take from the Bible, for church and all stories about judgment, stone casting, plagues, death, and destruction, to me, it comes down to, Is there enough love in your life?

I should wake up every day, thankful for everything, but some days, I get lost in the world. I think I have to do this at work, or I have to do this, turns out I don’t have to do anything. I have to learn to love my family and my friends more, that is really all I have to do.

As I writing this I am avoiding writing a letter to the IRS. I am glad I pick the more important thing to write.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

haiti, weightloss, and updates in general

First off the Haiti thing, sucks, and I don't think the news should ignore it, but at somepoint the saturation is overwhelming.  That being said, here are things I am thankful for today, Colorado was not hit by an Earthquake.  I can afford to have a laptop and high speed internet access, so i can share my thoughts with the world, although, I know only a handful of folks come accross this.

I would like to do more but I can't, but if you haven't given anything to them, you can donate $5.00 to Yele Haiti by texting Yele to 501501.

Or You can text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 to American Red Cross relief for Haiti.

Or if you have more donate the old fashioned way, Anyway the point is I am thankful I can donate, and don't need donations.  However there will likely come a time when I do need help from someone, and I don't think I can reasonably expect help from anyone if I do nothing.  Does that make sense?
Completely unrelated, but at the end of September, first of October I was in DC and we had some photos taken, I realized my melon was massive and my girth was well girthy.

SO that is about 3 weeks in October, 4 in nov and December and 2 into Jan.  That is 13 weeks, which fits in nicely with my 13 lbs of weightloss, If i keep that clip up I'll be back to my old high school weight in time for my 20 year reunion, I have seriously got to start working on the mullett now if i am going to bring sexy back.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

news sucks

This morning I was getting dressed and I was listening to the news.  I think it was HLN but it may have been any of them, as my wife, likes to change up which news show we put on in the morning, I will for the post pretend it was fox, becuase well, FOX sucks the most.

So there was a reporter standing a street somewhere in Haiti.  And dude actually said something similar to this.  Do you hear that women wailing in the background, she has just learned her son has died, cut to women in tears, wailing.

WTF is that, I do not need to see that to understand the devistation in Haiti.  I mean I don't understand it, and I doubt any of us in the US do.  But what the hell is wrong with people that exploit other people's sorrow?  This didn't make me more informed, it didn't make me want to watch the channel more, it turned my stomache, that is all it did.


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Kids = Germs

I am sick, not like typhoid sick or the clap, just your garden variety sick.  Lung butter, and nasal pudding in ample supply, slight fever, and a overall sense of being tired, which my be from several things, a. having a baby, b. having gone snow boarding yesterday, c. putting forth the energy to think of reasons, why I am sick.

However, last week we kept the spawn home from daycare for two days becuase of symptoms that are similar to what i've got and at her day care, a few (3) kids have confirmed cases of rvs. Which as my doctor explained looks like a cold, only it can be worse especially if you have what she called whimpy white males. By whimpy she meant premature.  As my daughter is none of those things, the doctor said just watch her and if she starts to have trouble breathing, i.e. using her stomache muscles to breathe or flairing her nostrails to breathe bring her in, if not don't worry about it, becuase I can't do anything anyway. 

Back to my story, I googled RSV virus to see, if that is what i have and given my lack of epidimelogical skills, I have decided I do not have that virus, I think I gots the regular cold virus.  Anywho, On the mayo clinic's website it has this warning.

"Seek immediate medical attention if your child experiences difficulty breathing, runs a high fever or turns blue in color. "

So Jerry's guide to parenting this week says, if you wait till you child turns blue to go to the doctor, perhaps you need to get some parenting tips from someone more qualified than yourselves.    Which does not include me.

Side note and another problem no one warns  you about when you become a parent.  About the time the kids learn to crawl, the degree of difficulty for your average diaper change is significantly increased.
This little nugget should be told to all new parents.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


This morning I was getting ready for work and learned that I didn't have any clean pants. Well, when I say learned that really isn't true, It was more I had to face the fact that I didn't clean any pants, and last night when I got home from work and in my best mr. rogers, changed out of my work pants and into my cargo shorts. I knew at that point I didn't have any clothing, but to rectify the situation would have required me to take action.

That is clearly not what I wanted to do, so this morning when I was facing the fact that none of my not denim not cargo shorts leg coverings where in a condition to wear to work, I thought to myself, "self this little black pencil skirt is clean."  So I ask the wife is I have the legs for this.

She says you have the legs for it, but you don't have the adam's apple for it.  Damn, my simple solution to my self created dilema was shot down, simply becuase I have an adam's apple. That sucks.  I don't even think it is noticable one, i suppose if i was cross dressing, someone would say that is a dude, look he has an adam's apple.

Which got me to thinking, who do cross dressers thinnk they're fooling?  I mean even if you don't have an adams apple and you can tuck the junk with best of them, you still have man hands.  I have tiny little hands, but there is no denying they're man hands.  My fingers are short and stubby, not long and elegent. Even women with smaller hands than me, seem to have much longer fingers, I am fairly certain the average dudes, finger length to hand size ratio is different than the same ratio on non-men.  I could be wrong who knows.

Anyway had my pencil skirt plan not been shot down, i am curious.  If you wear a pencil skirt can you wear man socks and men shoes or do you have to get heals and hose?  I mean I know heals would make my calves look sausy but I don't know they're appropriate.